Barks Like a Dog

“If it looks like a dog and barks like a dog, it’s a dog.”

 As we go through our lives, there have been times where what we see doesn’t match with what our minds or instincts tell us. We go through an internal struggle questioning ourselves and wondering whether or not it could be possible that our instincts are just flat out wrong.

Two simple examples that we can all relate to are the following: We see people buying expensive cars, beautiful homes, going out to fancy dinners, wearing designer clothes and traveling the world vacationing. We question ourselves as to what we might be doing wrong that does not allow us the same opportunities. We ask ourselves, “Should I be working harder?" or "Am I not smart enough?" "Did I pick the wrong profession?" We wonder, "What did the others do to make them so much money?" and "How is it that they make it look so effortless?"  They seem to have the perfect life. It just doesn’t make sense. I am not saying that there are not those who have worked extremely hard and sacrificed other areas of their lives to obtain wealth, but everyone in Miami? As life unfolds, so too the truth oftern unfolds. Credit card debt, bankruptcy, foreclosures and many other financial secrets unfold and our instincts are proven to be right.

My daughter Elle spent her first semester at the University, struggling to balance her academic life with her social life. She would struggle wondering how it was possible that her friends were going to parties every night and able to make the grades. She, herself, would ask if there was something she was doing wrong. She questioned her own decisions and abilities. I would tell her, “If it looks like a dog and barks like a dog, it’s a dog. Wait until the end of the semester before you beat yourself up. Just keep doing what you know to be right.” As life unfolds so too the truth will unfold. Many of those very same girls were forced to drop their classes while others failed.

We all question ourselves but we need to go with our instincts using our internal compass to guide us. Our entire life is filled with examples like the two above. If we allow what we perceive others to be doing to guide us, we will spend everyday at the end of a social leash being yanked around in the direction that others choose to go. Remove yourself from the leash and be free to roam the park as you see fit. When you see something that doesn’t make sense remember, “If it looks like a dog and barks like a dog, it’s a dog.”

DVD Collection

Many times in our lives we will make decisions that make sense at the time but may make less sense as time passes by. In that initial moment, we hopefully weigh out the pros and cons and make our decision. As the years go by we reinforce our decision by continuing to act on our beliefs. The scary part is that during those years, we can somewhat brainwash ourselves and be blinded to the fact that what once may have made sense, no longer does. Here is my example:

When my kids were much younger my wife and I had little or no time to go to the movies so we began buying DVD’s at Costco. We had calculated that Costco had the best prices and that buying DVD’s was much cheaper than going to the movies. After years of doing this, I began to create a DVD library that I was very proud of. As times changed and the practice of collecting DVD’s no longer made sense, I couldn’t bring myself to recognize this, so I continued to buy and add to my collection. The one adjustment I did make, was to buy them “previewed, 4 for $20” at blockbusters. When people would suggest that I was wasting my money or that I should stop collecting "fossils", it would bother me. I think one of the reasons it bothered me so much is because deep down, I knew they were right. Although I knew that my DVD collection would soon be right next to someone else’s prized VCR collection (Garage Sale or Garbage), I continued collecting them. Recently, a good friend came over and forced me to look at the deal NetFlicks had. For $8.99 a month, I could watch anything I wanted through my computer and or gaming system. In addition to movies they had TV shows. In the worst case scenario, if they didn’t have it available for live streaming they would mail me the DVD with a self addressed envelope and all I had to do is mail it back when I was done. Shockingly enough, I had to think about it. I found myself struggling to let go of the idea of buying DVD’s. The thought of not adding to the collection, bothered me. How could I stop now when I had come this far and had been collecting for so long? When I woke up the next morning, I proudly announced that I would no longer be buying DVD’s (as if though I had climbed Mount Everest). I am so happy with that decision. Once I allowed myself to make it, it was really quite painless.
So why was it so hard to make such a simple decision to change? Is it that we feel changing what we have done for so long, somehow means we are admitting that what we were doing was wrong? Is it that we become identified with our decisions? Is it that we forget to revisit our decisions to see whether or not they continue to make sense? For me, I think it was all of the above and more. What I learned was that I need to constantly revisit all the things I am doing or believing in and see if they still make as much sense as they did when I started.

Prep Work

Everyone wants to have success in life. When I speak of success I am referring to success in everything we set out to do, not just financial success. To have success we must put ourselves in a position to succeed and preparation is the dominant factor in reaching this goal. Unfortunately, preparation can seem to be boring and tedious. Even though I am well aware of the benefits of preparation, I continue to struggle with having the discipline to put all of my efforts into “prep work”. We live in a world of instant gratification. Fast food, internet and many more of the things we use daily, come to us with little or no preparation on our part. As a result, the things that require more time and preparation, can feel slow, boring and sometimes even frustrating. Regardless, preparation is key in our success and we must find ways to reinforce that belief so as to motivate ourselves during times of preparation. Reflecting on what brought us success is a tool that can be helpful. Take a look at the following examples to see not only how the “prep work” results in a more successful outcome but in the long run, might create less work.

1. Vacationing – Familiarizing yourself with your destination and the activities that are available as well as creating a budget and schedule will impact the success of your trip.

2. Sports – Practicing and physical preparation as well as diet and sleep will have a direct result on your achievements.

3. College- What was developed in Grade School and High School? Location and size of college as well as how it fits in to what your strengths are academically and socially, will have a direct impact on your chances to succeed.

4. Painting – Preparing the walls. Repair work, taping, primer and selection of paint. Not only will the “prep work” affect the outcome but it can avoid having to do things over again.

The end result is always directly impacted by preparation and although preparation is usually boring it is instrumental in our success. Through reflection I have come to the conclusion that almost all of my failures have come as a direct result of my lack of preparation and only by reflecting on that, am I able take responsibility for what I decide to succeed in next.

“Success always comes when preparation meets opportunity”

                                                                             Henry Hartman

Where the Answer Lies

Helping someone else with their problems, is so much easier than solving our own problems? For one, we don’t have to do the work and or feel the pain involved of going through the issue. Secondly, we have not created a story in our minds pertaining to the characters involved and what has led up to the problem. Lastly, we are not emotionally invested and are therefore are able to see the problems more clearly for what they truly are, allowing us to come up with a more logical solution. Are we as the outsider, really able to see the problem more clearly? The truth is that the answer to our problems always lies within us. We know every last detail better than we could ever describe to the person trying to help us. We know how we got there, why we got there and who played what part. It may be difficult to be honest with ourselves and take responsibility as to what part we played but we know. After we ask everyone for their advice, we are the ones who ultimately decide what to do. I am not saying that it is not good to vent and bounce ideas off of others but what I am saying is that while we do this, we should always know that the answer already lies in us. We should be more conscious of the fact that asking others for advice is a one man game of squash. We bounce all of our ideas and problems off of those we respect, in an effort to confirm our feelings and ideas yet in the end it is our internal compass that guides us. Since everyone’s compass is different, what works for me, may not work for you and vice versa.


Example: If you have that one person at work that really annoys you and you just can’t seem to get away from them, ask yourself:

What is it about this person that causes me discomfort as a person?

Is there a insecurity in me that this person irritates or brings to the surface?

What message have I sent or am I sending, to that person on a daily basis?

What have I done to try to try to improve the relationship?

Assuming that the person is just a miserable person, have I tried to understand why?

Do I believe that contrary to the rest of the world this person does not want to be liked?

Do I challenge myself to break through and become that persons friend?

If we sit around waiting for others to change, we take the control out of our hands, if we take responsibility and therefore assume action, we take control of our lives.

My dad use to say that anyone could sail a ship but it took a captain to sail through rough seas. I have told my kids anyone can get good grades with an easy teacher but it takes a real student to get good grades with a bad teacher that you don’t like. The people that we meet in our lives will define our character and it won’t be the ones we like.

Conquering Your Fears?

The other day I was asked,” How do you know the difference between doing something to conquer a fear, or doing something that may be detrimental to you as a person?” I was given the examples of asking for a raise or speaking out in a meeting about something you disagree with but your superiors feel strongly about. When I talk about conquering a fear, I am talking about something that you feel you lack strength in, such as speaking in public, being social, etc. . I myself have not practiced and therefore do not like, reading or speaking in front of crowds. Leading up to the moment, adrenaline starts pumping through my body and I get extremely nervous about what I am about to do. The only way I will ever overcome this is by “conquering my fear” and pushing through the situation enough times. By doing it over and over without a negative outcome, I will become less nervous and eventually overcome the fear. To compare this to my friend’s example, if you were a person that finds it difficult to speak up in meetings, I would begin overcoming that fear by speaking out about things that will create a positive result and therefore positive reinforcement. The effects of speaking out the first time to disagree with the rest of the room, would most likely feed your fear, making it less likely for you to speak up the next time. It’s important to put ourselves in a position to succeed when we attempt to conquer our fears. The last thing that we want to do is feed the fears. In the case of asking for a raise, again it is important to differentiate between a general fear and a risk vs reward decision. A general fear would be someone who typically does not like to ask for things for themselves. In this case that person may need to “conquer their fear” to find the courage to go in and ask for the raise. On the other hand most people just fear the consequences of asking for the raise, more than the act of asking. In these cases this has nothing to do with the “conquering your fears” idea. We all have our own individual fears that we need to work on and I think it is a very valid point that we must not confuse what is a general fear, with the fear of consequences from a particular decision. Most importantly, its important to always put ourselves in a position to succeed. I will practice reading in front of small crowds before you see me singing the National Anthem at Yankee Stadium.

T.G.I.F (2)

“Thank God it’s Friday”! How come no one says, “thank God its Tuesday” or, “thank God it’s the 24th”. The answer for most, is obvious. Friday is the last day of the work week. Friday represents the beginning of the weekend. Two days off from the everyday hustle and bustle of work. Everyone says it and society reinforces it. What if everyday could give you that same feeling that Friday does? What if I told you that having a job and going to work was a vital part of your self-worth? What if I suggested that always sitting at home and doing nothing, would do nothing more than create depression and make you socially deficient, creating a lack of self worth. I realize that the weekend represents time for us to enjoy and do the activities we like doing but if we spend our weekdays focusing on our weekends then we never get to enjoy what our weekdays represent to us. Think it through and build a case for everyday to be as great as Friday. Mondays could be great for any of the following reasons, depending on who you are:

1. Maybe your favorite TV show is that night
2. Maybe you go out to lunch with your peers
3. Maybe you just want a change of environment after being at home Sat and Sunday
4. Maybe it gives you a chance to talk to your peers about the big game
5. Maybe the kids go back to school during the day and you get a break
6. Maybe there’s a hotty in your chemistry class. (no I don’t take chemistry)

Perception becomes reality and the more we tell ourselves that one day is a bad day and another is a good day, the more it becomes reality. Every day is different and for that reason alone, they are all good days. Forget about, “thank God it’s Friday” and try, “thank God it’s my day.” If you live your life waiting for Friday, it will come and go every week, taking you for an emotional rollercoaster. If you live your life for “my day” it will last forever.


For those of you who live for Friday, it’s here, so enjoy and make the most of it because your current bad to good day ratio is, 2(Fri, Sat) out of 7(Sun thru Thurs)

Im Proud of You

Isn’t it ironic how in the heat of battle we can throw around insults and curse words with reckless abandon, yet for the most part we hold compliments close to the vest. The insults and curse words are a facet of how we learned to do battle (defend ourselves) growing up. We learned at an early age that if you want to be heard in an argument, you need to speak louder (scream) to take control of the conversation. We were taught that curse words can be used to emphasize your emotional state (although I think they have lost their power, due to over using them). Lastly, we were taught that if we felt we were losing, we could do anything in our power to win, including insulting the other person. Since most everyone is using the same format, what starts out as a discussion, can lead to an argument and eventually end up in a fight. Many times, the things that were said had no relevance to what was originally being discussed. So if this is all a result of learned behavior, why don’t we just as enthusiastically learn to compliment, when things are good? Why is it so easy to curse but so difficult to compliment? Why is it so easy to tell others what they do wrong and what they should be doing differently yet so difficult to tell them what you like about them and what they do that you like. Is it that we are afraid it will make us sound stupid? Do we sound smarter when we curse and insult? Is it that we are afraid that we will sound soft or weak? Cursing may make us “sound” strong but does it “make” us strong? Which of the two comes from a stronger person? Maybe we are afraid that if we say nice things others will take advantage of us? Isn’t it true that we have direct control of who we “allow” to take advantage of us?

I recently had someone tell me they were proud of me. It caught me off guard because it was something that is typically not said. I spent a lot of that day thinking about what I could have done to evoke such a comment. It wasn’t a family member, whom one would usually associate with those words but instead it was a friend and someone I had spent little time with over the years. Those four words empowered me. As many of you know, my father died when I was 13 and in the last 30 years, I have seldom heard those words. With those four words, that person made a difference in my life and as a result, a difference in the lives of everyone I will encounter. Realize the power that you carry in your words and use them.

Pay the Piper

One very simple concept that we all tend to forget is that everything has a price. If you want to be a millionaire, it will only happen if you pay the price. In the case of celebrities, they may pay the price of a lost childhood or the loss of the freedom that the rest of us take for granted. If you want to be in shape, you will have to work out regularly and control what you eat vs what you would like to eat. If you want to have a good family, many times you will have to sacrifice your needs for those of your family’s. The list goes on but the point is clear, whatever you want will come at a cost. The question is, “are you willing to pay the piper?” Many of us dismiss this by attributing success to luck or “God given talent". We may say, “she/he is naturally fit or can eat whatever they want." I have heard some attribute family success to children being “born that way” or once again “lucky parents”. As long as we attribute all of these things to chance, we close the door in our minds that allows us to see that we can change what we don’t like and create what we want our lives. Once we take responsibility and are truly willing to pay the price, almost anything is obtainable. One of the hardest things to admit to ourselves is that we might not really want “it”, as bad as we think we do. Take a look at where you are today and what you have. I would bet that if you are honest with yourself, it is relative to what you were willing to pay, to get the things that you wanted. All of us would love to be millionaires but are we willing to put in the effort while taking on the responsibilities and giving up the freedoms that come with that. All of us want to look good on the beach but are we willing to go to the gym four days out of the week and pass up on the goodies to get there. Lastly, all of us would love to have perfect families but are we willing to sacrifice some of our personal goals (like being a millionaire) to have that family.

One way or the other, we all must pay the piper to get the things we truly want. No excuses, chose wisely, make the sacrifices and no matter who you are, anything is possible.

I Hear You Loud But Not Clear

All of our lives are going at such an incredible pace that we barely have time to really pay attention to the details of our conversations with others. We hear what they are saying but we don’t take the time to listen to the message they are trying to convey. When I was a kid, I remember hearing my dad complain that I was hearing what he was saying but not listening. Listening to what people are saying is really somewhat of an art and takes a tremendous amount of focus and interest as to what the message is that is trying to be conveyed. It is also very important for the listener to have an open and trusting mind as to what the other person is saying. Here are some very basic examples of what is being said, what is being heard and what is trying to be conveyed. (They may not apply to you but you should get the point)


1. Said: “You always come home late from work”.

Heard: “You must be having fun or prefer being away”.

Message: “We love having you around and worry when you’re not here”.

2. Said: “I do everything around here and it would be nice to get some help”.

Heard: “ You are lazy and do nothing all day”.

Message: “Your interest, help and support, makes my workload easier to deal with”.

3. Said: “Mom/Dad, how come you always have to go to ________ with your friend".

Heard: “You’re a bad mom/dad and don’t deserve time for yourself”.

Message: “Sometimes I feel like you prefer being with your friends over me, can you reassure me that you love me and that I am important to you”.

4. Said: “I remember when we use to go to the park and throw Frisbee, that was fun”.

Heard: “I like reminiscing about going to the park and Frisbee throwing”.

Message: “I like spending time with you, can we do something together again”.

These are just a few examples, of some typical situations but every conversation is full of what is said, what is heard and what the real message trying to be conveyed is. Sometimes, even the person conveying the message, isn’t aware of what they are truly trying to convey becuase they get lost in fear and anger while trying to convey their message. In our conversations with people today, see if we can tell the difference between what people are saying and what their message is. I think you will find it to be extremely interesting, how easy it is to pick up on, if you take the time to “listen”.

Responsibility = Potential ////////////////////// Comparison = Complacency

Would you expect the same play in basketball from a tall player than you would from a short player? Would you expect the same performance from a naturally gifted singer than you would from an average person who has not been given such a gift? What about that one student who barely studies but always get the highest grades, would you expect the same results from the average student? Would you expect the same behavior from a man than you would expect from a woman? People come in different shapes, sizes and natural talent. Everyone’s potential although similar, have obvious differences. It’s our responsibility to push ourselves to reach our own individual potential without comparing our success to those around us. Using some of the examples above, imagine Shaquille O'Neal bragging to you about how much better he is at basketball than Celine Dion. Wouldn’t that be absurd? Imagine that he used her basketball potential to define his success and then ask yourself if he would have ever reached his full potential. What if Celine Dion compared her singing to his and focused her success on her ability to out sing him. I could say the same about the student who everything comes easier to. How far would they go if they based their success on their ability to outperform the average student?
Comparing ourselves to others is natural but using it as an excuse to not reach our individual potential is complacency. What are the gifts you have been given? Are you reaching your full potential? Put blinders on and move forward, there are no limitations when you are on your path to your full potential.

Bonus: When you really understand that we all have different gifts you won’t take it so personally when others aren’t able to share yours. I can’t imagine a pianist getting mad at someone who can’t play the piano, so why would you get mad at someone who maybe can’t communicate the way you do.

Why Me Again?

I am sure we can all relate to suffering through what seems to be the same issue over and over again. It can seem like a particular problem follows us around and the only thing that changes, is the messenger. Over and over again, we find ourselves facing the same issues. What are the chances that out of all the people in the world, these problems choose us. Isn’t it more likely that we are the ones choosing these problems, or better said creating these problems? The reason they keep popping up in our lives, is because we keep making the same decisions that create them. I have told my children that God knows our weaknesses and he is going to keep confronting us with them, until we can master them. We can speed up this process by make a conscious effort to change the way we do things, in an effort to change the results.

Example: If you’re that person that feels like they are always being taken advantage of in your relationships, ask yourself what you have done in each relationship to invite that kind of behavior from others. I can assure you that your decisions have created their actions and in turn the relationship. The next relationship you start, take a different path. Force yourself to look at what might be creating the other person to see you as someone who will accept the unwanted behavior. A different path, will create different results. Unfortunately, we do what we are immediately comfortable with and don’t realize that we create a long term discomfort by doing it.
Changing the way we do things requires, effort, reflection and time, so don’t think it’s going to happen overnight. Overtime it will become easier and the results will be everlasting.

The Cue Ball

I always was a big fan of billiards and I spent many years trying to perfect the game. Throughout the years,  you would hear people talking about how incredible the professionals were. Most of the comments were focused on how they could make any shot. As I learned more about the game, I found out it wasn’t their ability to make the difficult shots that made them great but instead, it was their ability to never have a hard shot to take. This is not to say that the professionals are not perfectly capable of making difficult shots but more that they never needed to. The real pros, would masterfully manipulate the cue ball after every shot, leaving it right where it needed to be for the next shot. In turn, they rarely were faced with difficult shots.
 Do we spend our lives trying to master difficult shots or master the art of manipulating our lives so that the difficult shots are not needed? We need to take more time in reading the table and preparing for the next shot as oppose to just getting up there and banging away with a stick, hoping for something to fall in and watching the cue ball run around afterwards In the hope that our next shot will be an easy one. Lastly, all masters of their craft take time to reflect. Reflecting gives us an opportunity to learn and it must be done not just after every game but after every shot.

Our choices, though similar to the choices on a pool table, have one big difference, you don’t get a re-rack.

Momentum

Momentum = a quantity that expresses the motion of a body and its resistance to slowing down. It is equal to the product of the body's mass and velocity.

Keeping our positive momentum going is not always an easy thing to do. Although strangely enough, it seems as though negative momentum requires less effort and in addition is harder to control. We have all been in the zone. It’s the feeling that everything is going right and it seems as though we will never get knocked down again. Then something happens, distracts us and suddenly a shift occurs. We find that we have lost all of our positive momentum. As desperate as we may try to stop the shift from happening, it just takes on a mind of its own and starts building momentum in the opposite direction. Before long we can’t even remember how to get back to where we once were.

Since momentum has a compounding effect, it becomes like a snowball that rolls down hill out of control with us standing in front of it. As it continues to roll it grows in size and speed. Soon we find ourselves overwhelmed and it engulfs us. It would have been best to stop the snowball before it made it too far down hill. Unfortunately, as we feel the shift coming on, many of us will only focus on the immediate snow that is being added to the ball, when in fact it would be better to focus on the bigger picture. To stop the momentum from building we would need to recognize the overall effects of allowing momentum to build in the first place. If we could stop the ball the second we saw the slightest of movements.

Example:
A person goes to the gym on a strict schedule of 3 days out of every week, for several months. During the third month, he or she has a day where they are finding it difficult to go to the gym (slightest of movements). They decide to not go that day.

1. Deciding not to go by rationalizing that this one day will not change their body and or the hard work they have done over the last several months would be focusing on “the immediate snow” mentioned above.
2. Recognizing that not going is the beginning of a momentum shift that may lead to eventually not going to the gym and then deciding to go at any cost is the “bigger picture”.

The momentum can build in either direction but once you stop pushing the snowball up the hill, it will roll back down twice as quick and take you with it along the way.

Communication of the Third Kind

Communicating is so incredibly important and it is something that we all can underestimate. We all know the two basic forms of communication, the first being language. When you speak a language fluently it is easy to communicate and the chances of being misunderstood are slim. On the other hand, you may attempt to learn a second language and become instantly aware how easy it is to offend someone inadvertently because of your lack of mastering the subtleties of that language. Moving on, the second most commonly known type of communication would be physical communication. Physical, would include something as structured as sign language or something as simple as pointing or waving to get a message across. Here again, one could send the wrong message and offend someone from one culture, while the same gesture would be seen as a compliment in another. While most of us recognize the “thumbs up” gesture as positive, in Iran, Iraq and Thailand this is considered an obscene gesture. These two forms of communication are easy to understand and for the most part, we are aware and pretty good at using them to communicate however the third kind is a different story.

The third kind of communication I refer to as “Behavioral Communication”. Starting at birth we are deprived of the first two forms of communication and therefore become dependent on using the third, “Behavioral Communication”. We learn that by changing our behavior we can communicate with those around us. Crying would be the first form of behavioral communication. It doesn’t take long before we learn that when we cry we get attention. We rely on behavioral communication for quite some time and our parents teach us what works and what doesn’t work, through their responses. From there, the natural progression would be that physical communication would be introduced to alleviate the frustration that can occur when only behavioral communication exists. We begin to point and make motions with all of our extremities to communicate. Within a short period of time, language is introduced and things become much easier for everyone.

So what’s the point?

Many of us overlook the behavior language that still exists between all of us as adults. We continue to reward the same type of behaviors that we don’t want in our lives. We respond behaviorally to language and sometimes communicate only through language instead of speaking behaviorally. In other words you wouldn’t answer someone in Japanese, if they spoke to you in English. If you want to change someone’s behavior you need to change your response to that behavior. Talking to them about it and how it may hurt you won’t work (Japanese). What is overlooked is that your behavioral response to their behavior, is talking to them in a very primal way. Some might say that it sounds reactionary or vengeful but it’s not anything more than another form of communication.

Losing Focus

The hardest part about staying the course is not being distracted by the things around you along the way. I must admit that this recently happened to me. One morning about a month ago, I woke up and had lost it. As clear as everything had been to me, the very things that I wrote daily in my Daily Dumbbells, had slipped away. I found myself angry and resentful. The last thing in the world I wanted to do was write another Daily Dumbbell. I woke up every morning trying to figure out what had gone wrong, what had changed so quickly and distracted me from the positive and happy life, I had obviously been taking for granted. It took a while but one day recently, the answer showed itself. During all the time I had been doing so well, my focus had been on others. I was living as best as I could, a life of service. I focused on what I could do for others and how I could make a difference in their lives. Somewhere, that changed and I began to focus on me. I asked “what about me, what about my fun, my life and who really cares about helping me”? It was all downhill from that point forward. I couldn’t think, I couldn’t write and I found myself upset with almost everyone. Someone recently came to me out of the blue and thanked me for something I thought had gone unnoticed. They reminded me of where my happiness came from and gave me renewed focus. My ego/self had come into the picture months ago and distracted me from what truly brought me my happiness and once it grabbed a hold of the wheel it wasn’t letting go.

When you live your life worrying about “me” you will find plenty to be offended about and your life will seem lonely and empty. When you live your life giving to others, you will find plenty to fill your life with and that will bring you happiness.

So I am officially at the wheel again and refocused. Daily Dumbbells will be back on track starting Monday. Next time I lose focus slap me around and remind me of where true happiness lies.

There Should be a Rule

There should be a rule that you can’t complain about the things you don’t like about your life, if you are doing nothing to fix them. Imagine that I was standing outside shirtless, in the dead of winter and I started complaining about how cold it was. First, you would probably think I was crazy, but then you would most likely start giving me suggestions like, “Why don’t you put something warmer on,” or “Why don’t you go inside?” Now imagine that I just stood there freezing and continued to complain, without acting upon any of your reasonable suggestions. How long would you stand there making suggestions and listening to me complain before you came to the conclusion that I either liked freezing my bum off or just liked to hear myself complain? Since most of us don’t stand out in the freezing cold in T’s, here are some examples easier to relate to:

After reading each, ask one simple question: “What am I doing about it ?”

“I am so fat, I don’t have anything to wear and I hate the way I look”
“I’m not getting any younger, my mind and my body just aren’t the same”
“I don’t have the relationship I would like with _________”
“I want to have financial freedom”
“I need more time to do the things I want to do”
“I want a new job”
“I wish my kids were better ________________”
“I am always tired”
“I want to learn to _______________”

There are hundreds of different things that we all complain about but the one thing they all share in common, is the fact that complaining about them will do nothing to change them. Venting is a worthless release of hot air. I think in some instances we complain, in the hopes that someone will hear us and solve our problems. Or maybe give us the magic solution that we hadn’t already thought of ourselves. Many times, when are pleas go unheard, we become even more frustrated and fall into further hopelessness. The only way out, is to take action ourselves. We need to ask ourselves, “What am I, or can I do about it,” and then start.
Don’t just stand there in the cold complaining, it accomplishes nothing, makes you look crazy and just further reminds you how cold it is. Do something to change your situation. Put some warm clothes on, get inside near the fire and have a tall cup of hot chocolate. Don’t be consumed about the order in which it needs to happen, just focus on getting started. You can instead, have a tall cup of hot chocolate, get inside near the fire and put some warm clothes. You see the order doesn’t matter as much as getting started and the end result.

Don't Judge a Book by its Cover

If you were asked a few years back, who was a better man or who you would rather be associated with, you probably would have given a very different answer. But with just a little information about them your opinion even then, would have changed a little. (I am saying even before the scandals).

Kimbo Slice (Kevin Ferguson) (On the right)
Ferguson was born in Nassau, Bahamas, moved to the United States and grew up in Cutler Ridge, Florida, raised alongside his two brothers by a single mother named Rosemary Clarke. He went to Bel-Air Elementary School and when Ferguson was 13 years old, he was involved in his first fight, trying to defend a friend. He continued his studies with Cutler Ridge Middle School and later with Richmond Heights Middle School. He attended Miami Palmetto High School, where he was the star middle linebacker. In 1992, his house in Perrine, Florida was destroyed by Hurricane Andrew and he continued living in his 1987 Nissan Pathfinder for a month.
For college, he attended both Bethune-Cookman University and the University of Miami, where he held an athletic scholarship and studied criminal justice. He was there for only a year and a half. In 1997, he had a tryout with the Miami Dolphins and was part of the pre-season squad, but was unable to get a place in the first team. He is currently trying out for the UFC where he has been nothing less than a model student of the game.

Bernard Madoff
Madoff was born to Ralph and Sylvia (née Muntner) Madoff in the New York City borough of Queens, on April 29, 1938. He was raised in the Jewish tradition. Ralph Madoff was a plumber before becoming a stockbroker. Madoff graduated from Far Rockaway High School in 1956, attended the University of Alabama for one year, where he became a brother of the Tau Chapter of the Sigma Alpha Mu fraternity, then transferred to and graduated from Hofstra College in 1960 with a degree in political science. The following year, he attended Brooklyn Law School, but did not continue.
I won't go into all the details of the Ponzi Scheme but as they say, the rest is history.

Now that you know more about these two, your opinion should drastically change. Who would you rather be associated with now? Don’t judge a book by its cover no matter how convincing the cover may be. Open it up, read a little, give yourself a chance to fully understand the person or situation before jumping to conclusions or passing judgement. The world is full of Bernie Madoffs and Kimbo Slices, its your job to figure out who the good guys are with all your senses, not just your eyes.

Stay the Course

To many times in our lives we set out to accomplish one thing and along the way get distracted by ego, fears and insecurities. The result is usually a shift in focus and we lose sight of our original goals. It’s difficult to explain it so the best thing is to give an example:
Let’s say your son is on a football team but is not starting. In fact you feel that the coach may be singling him out for personal reasons and not giving him a fair chance. Of course, this causes fears within you on many levels. You fear he will not improve; he will be have a bad experience and possibly associates sports negatively. You also fear that socially he may be rejected by the others on the team. As your fears build, anger grows and you start to focus on what a jerk this coach is. You start planning in your head how you will “show him.” Maybe you will write a letter to the club president or get other parents who are unhappy to leave to another team. Some may think about making their son some super star athlete and then when the coach wants to use him, yanking him from the team, “that will show him even more”. As time progresses your ego and fears have distracted you and the original goal you set out to accomplish, is just a spec in your rear view mirror. So how do you bring yourself back on course? First you must ask yourself, “What was it that I was setting out to accomplish in the first place?” In this case, I would guess the father wanted to have his son to play an organized sport to get exercise, build confidence, make friends and have a good overall experience. Next you need to ask yourself, “What is the best way I can accomplish that goal?” Maybe the father should take a look at the skill level of the team his son is on. It may require more effort and commitment, maybe some private practices to level the playing field. It may also be that the son is playing the wrong sport or just needs to move to another team where his skill level is more valued. Regardless of what the right answer will be, it is more important to recognize what the wrong answers are. Shifting focus on to the coach, teammates or club and trying to change them is the wrong answer. You can accomplish so much more in your life if you stay the course and focus positively on the things you do want. Don’t waste time by losing site and sending out negative thoughts, to counter the things you don’t want. Remember if you assign blame, you are forced to wait for others to change. If you take responsibility, you can take action immediately.

Sound Familiar

You know that one thing that everyone always says about you. It’s the one thing you have been hearing all your life. It comes back time and time again in different jobs or situations. It is told to you by unrelated people of all parts of your life.
Here are a few examples:

“You’re too defensive”
“You’re too sensitive”
“You exaggerate”
“You tend to not follow through”
“Your incredibly talented but don’t apply yourself”

Of course the list could go on and on, each example or several may apply to you. I have always joked around and said that if 1 person says something about you, you have a chance that their wrong but if 100 people say it, it’s probably true. What is that one thing 100 people have always said about you? Do you want to change whatever it is? What are you doing today to change it? For me, I know several and I work hard to change them. Although I know some people might say it’s how we are hard wired and there is little we can do to change, I say that’s just another way of refusing to make the effort to grow. I myself have always heard that I am a sprinter not a marathon runner and these Daily Dumbbells are part of my marathon run. They are a way to show myself that I can go against my hardwiring if I just re arrange a few wires and trick myself into running the marathon one day at a time.

"Out of Sight, Out of Mind"

Growing up, I had a friend’s mom who would always say, “Out of Sight, Out of Mind.” To me, it basically meant that if you’re not around, people forget about you. Today it still means that but it also means much more. We are all just human and if given the chance, we will forget just about anything. I remember when my dad died I thought I would never get over it but as time passed, it became easier to deal with. I thought about it every minute of every day at the beginning and then as long as I wasn’t reminded, the thoughts began to fade. However, even today if I see his picture or someone brings him up to me, I feel some of those old feelings. Just the same, if you have ever tried to quit something, you might experience the same feelings. For example I am trying to not drink any soft drinks and it has been pretty easy for me, that is, until someone reminds me. Most of the day I have zero issues with it, but when I go to lunch and the waiter ask what I would like to drink, It gets a little harder. When I see others drinking soda, I tend to think about it and how hard it is not to drink it, when just minutes before it wasn’t even a thought. So, you can see that the out of sight out of mind thing works, when trying to quit something. If you really grasp the concept, you can use it to your advantage to change whatever you want to change in your life. You just have to be aware that to change your behaviors, you will have to change your familiar surroundings, to avoid what others may term temptation. I prefer to say I would just rather not be reminded, so I keep it out of sight. Lastly, this idea can work in business, however you have to think about its affects in reverse. If I don’t call my client regularly, they will forget about me. They don’t forget because of any other reason than, “out of sight out of mind.” You have to remember that anything you want will require your constant reminding. That doesn’t mean you become a nuisance it just means you don’t let people forget what you want.