Monday, November 9, 2009
Stay the Course
Let’s say your son is on a football team but is not starting. In fact you feel that the coach may be singling him out for personal reasons and not giving him a fair chance. Of course, this causes fears within you on many levels. You fear he will not improve; he will be have a bad experience and possibly associates sports negatively. You also fear that socially he may be rejected by the others on the team. As your fears build, anger grows and you start to focus on what a jerk this coach is. You start planning in your head how you will “show him.” Maybe you will write a letter to the club president or get other parents who are unhappy to leave to another team. Some may think about making their son some super star athlete and then when the coach wants to use him, yanking him from the team, “that will show him even more”. As time progresses your ego and fears have distracted you and the original goal you set out to accomplish, is just a spec in your rear view mirror. So how do you bring yourself back on course? First you must ask yourself, “What was it that I was setting out to accomplish in the first place?” In this case, I would guess the father wanted to have his son to play an organized sport to get exercise, build confidence, make friends and have a good overall experience. Next you need to ask yourself, “What is the best way I can accomplish that goal?” Maybe the father should take a look at the skill level of the team his son is on. It may require more effort and commitment, maybe some private practices to level the playing field. It may also be that the son is playing the wrong sport or just needs to move to another team where his skill level is more valued. Regardless of what the right answer will be, it is more important to recognize what the wrong answers are. Shifting focus on to the coach, teammates or club and trying to change them is the wrong answer. You can accomplish so much more in your life if you stay the course and focus positively on the things you do want. Don’t waste time by losing site and sending out negative thoughts, to counter the things you don’t want. Remember if you assign blame, you are forced to wait for others to change. If you take responsibility, you can take action immediately.