Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Where the Answer Lies

Helping someone else with their problems, is so much easier than solving our own problems? For one, we don’t have to do the work and or feel the pain involved of going through the issue. Secondly, we have not created a story in our minds pertaining to the characters involved and what has led up to the problem. Lastly, we are not emotionally invested and are therefore are able to see the problems more clearly for what they truly are, allowing us to come up with a more logical solution. Are we as the outsider, really able to see the problem more clearly? The truth is that the answer to our problems always lies within us. We know every last detail better than we could ever describe to the person trying to help us. We know how we got there, why we got there and who played what part. It may be difficult to be honest with ourselves and take responsibility as to what part we played but we know. After we ask everyone for their advice, we are the ones who ultimately decide what to do. I am not saying that it is not good to vent and bounce ideas off of others but what I am saying is that while we do this, we should always know that the answer already lies in us. We should be more conscious of the fact that asking others for advice is a one man game of squash. We bounce all of our ideas and problems off of those we respect, in an effort to confirm our feelings and ideas yet in the end it is our internal compass that guides us. Since everyone’s compass is different, what works for me, may not work for you and vice versa.

Example: If you have that one person at work that really annoys you and you just can’t seem to get away from them, ask yourself:

What is it about this person that causes me discomfort as a person?

Is there a insecurity in me that this person irritates or brings to the surface?

What message have I sent or am I sending, to that person on a daily basis?

What have I done to try to try to improve the relationship?

Assuming that the person is just a miserable person, have I tried to understand why?

Do I believe that contrary to the rest of the world this person does not want to be liked?

Do I challenge myself to break through and become that persons friend?

If we sit around waiting for others to change, we take the control out of our hands, if we take responsibility and therefore assume action, we take control of our lives.

My dad use to say that anyone could sail a ship but it took a captain to sail through rough seas. I have told my kids anyone can get good grades with an easy teacher but it takes a real student to get good grades with a bad teacher that you don’t like. The people that we meet in our lives will define our character and it won’t be the ones we like.


Anonymous said...

Asking too many people for advice is confusing. You get mixed messages. And most of the time people give a one sided account of the story to get a certain reaction or answer. Definitely going with your own "compass" and being honest with yourself is the way to go.

Mary L said...

This could have almost been 2 separate posts. I loved it. To REALLY simplify in a simple example: I think of times when I can't decide what to eat for dinner, so I start asking for suggestions. But ultimately I end up going with what I wanted all along! : ) Sometimes it just takes other people suggesting the opposite of what you really want to make you realize that you've already made up your mind.

Kiki said...

This one is painful for me right now. I can pretty much get along with anyone. I actually go out of my way (especially at work) to befriend the one's that I feel rejection from and have formed some lifelong deep relationships with them. When I find someone that seems to just reject me over and over or to treat me badly repeatedly and I CAN'T find a solution and none of my efforts seem to work, I get really down on myself. Going through some of that right now and no amount of logic is working for me. Gonna have to keep working at this.

On a more positive side, some of the hardest and seemingly heartless teachers I've had were the ones that challenged me and helped me to improve and grow as a student.

Kiki said...

Mary, the same thing happens to me with dinner...I'm pretty sure it's my spirit of contradiction at work there:)