Communication of the Third Kind

Communicating is so incredibly important and it is something that we all can underestimate. We all know the two basic forms of communication, the first being language. When you speak a language fluently it is easy to communicate and the chances of being misunderstood are slim. On the other hand, you may attempt to learn a second language and become instantly aware how easy it is to offend someone inadvertently because of your lack of mastering the subtleties of that language. Moving on, the second most commonly known type of communication would be physical communication. Physical, would include something as structured as sign language or something as simple as pointing or waving to get a message across. Here again, one could send the wrong message and offend someone from one culture, while the same gesture would be seen as a compliment in another. While most of us recognize the “thumbs up” gesture as positive, in Iran, Iraq and Thailand this is considered an obscene gesture. These two forms of communication are easy to understand and for the most part, we are aware and pretty good at using them to communicate however the third kind is a different story.

The third kind of communication I refer to as “Behavioral Communication”. Starting at birth we are deprived of the first two forms of communication and therefore become dependent on using the third, “Behavioral Communication”. We learn that by changing our behavior we can communicate with those around us. Crying would be the first form of behavioral communication. It doesn’t take long before we learn that when we cry we get attention. We rely on behavioral communication for quite some time and our parents teach us what works and what doesn’t work, through their responses. From there, the natural progression would be that physical communication would be introduced to alleviate the frustration that can occur when only behavioral communication exists. We begin to point and make motions with all of our extremities to communicate. Within a short period of time, language is introduced and things become much easier for everyone.

So what’s the point?

Many of us overlook the behavior language that still exists between all of us as adults. We continue to reward the same type of behaviors that we don’t want in our lives. We respond behaviorally to language and sometimes communicate only through language instead of speaking behaviorally. In other words you wouldn’t answer someone in Japanese, if they spoke to you in English. If you want to change someone’s behavior you need to change your response to that behavior. Talking to them about it and how it may hurt you won’t work (Japanese). What is overlooked is that your behavioral response to their behavior, is talking to them in a very primal way. Some might say that it sounds reactionary or vengeful but it’s not anything more than another form of communication.