Friday, January 9, 2009

You Get More Bees With Honey

Growing up, we are sent mix messages. If you have someone you like, you may be given the advice to not be so nice, “nobody likes a pushover”. Along the way, you may hear others brag about how they got one thing or another by “laying down the law” or putting someone in their place. In construction, people will call the subcontractors to threaten them, or yell at them. It’s as if though people think if you’re not screaming angrily, people don’t react. Unfortunately, a lot of people don’t react until you get downright, nasty. On the other hand, there is another approach. I have always followed the advice that you get more bees with honey, than you do with vinegar. I am not claiming that this always works, but you would be surprised how often it does. In fact, if you can keep that attitude going for a long period of time, people will learn to respond to you, without you having to get angry . The truth is, that it’s more effective to get angry, sparingly. Haven’t you ever dealt with someone that is always screaming and yelling, it loses its effectiveness after a while. In direct contrast, I know people that very seldom get angry and when they do, people freak out. You hear people say, “ Man it must be really serious because John never gets that upset about anything”. Anything done in excess, loses its effectiveness. If every word out of your mouth is a curse word, people stop listening to you after a while. It’s like the boy who cries wolf. On the other hand, take someone like my mother. If she were to curse, it would send a strong message. That’s a direct result of the fact, that she seldom curses. Empower your words and actions by limiting them.
I guess my last point regarding this is that people just want to be respected. Talking angrily or down to them, just makes them react defensively. They end up trying to dominate you, while you try to dominate them. Try being straight forward and respectful when you ask for things. Put yourself in their shoes and tell them what you would want to hear. Set out on a mission to make people feel good. Make them feel trust and trusted. All relationships are based on trust. If the trust is strong, so is the relationship. Trust in this case, meaning the ability to open yourself up to someone, exposing yourself, yet knowing that they will not judge you and have your best interest in mind.

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