Nobody's Perfect

There’s pretty much something about everyone we know that we don’t like and I am sure the same can be said about us. Without thinking about it consciously, we tend to like those people who have more of the qualities we like than dislike but even the best of the best, will have things we wish where we could change. The other day while talking to a friend they said, “I really expected more from this person, they are one of my closest friends.” The key word in what they said was, “expected”. As we talked about it some more he said, "if the shoe was on the other foot, I would have done...’’ and then he went on to say how he would have handled it. How can we hold everyone to a standard based on what we would do as opposed to what they would do? Maybe the things that occur to us, don’t occur to them. Maybe we have more insight or have been exposed to a different way of handling things. For many reasons, we all handle things our own ways because we are all individuals with a lifetime of different experiences. The key is managing our expectations of others as well as our interpretations of their behaviors. We cant assume that because our doing something means something, that it means the same when another does it. The fact that one might apologize quickly when in the wrong, doesn’t mean everyone will. Maybe it just comes easier to one person than another. I would assume that it means more coming from the person whom its harder for. The point is that everyone is different and therefore we all handle things differently. If we hold everyone to our standard and expectations, it will be hard to find anyone that doesn’t eventually disappoint us. In the end, I gave my friend this example that has always been helpful to me.
“I have many pets. I have two birds, a rabbit, two dogs, a cat and some rats in the attic but they don’t count. I may like some of my pets more than others but enjoy all of them. I never ask the birds to sit or play dead. I never try to put my rabbit on my finger and ask him to sing or talk. I never get mad at the dog for not using the litter box and I never take the rabbit for a jog. I enjoy them all for what they can offer and my expectations for each one of my pets are in line with what they are capable of offering. Just imagine how frustrated I would be, if my expectations were not.”

This example is by no means comparing the ones we love to our pets but meant more as an illustration of the influence our expectations can have on our relationships.

Traffic Again?

With school back in session, the roads have once again become disgustingly crowded. The time to get to work in the mornings has almost doubled and the near misses while jockeying for positions are increasing by the day. It’s a hostile environment out there and on top of that the anxiety level for everyone has escalated as we rush to make it on time to our destinations. Of course this is a fabulous way to start your day. By the time you get to where you’re going, you’re so jacked up that the smallest misfortune can seem like the end of the world. It can take us hours to come down from this heightened state of anxiety. Needless to say, none of the screaming, honking or worrying has any effect on the traffic. In fact, it’s the equivalent of staring at a clock to make time go by faster. The only thing that makes time go by faster is to distract yourself away from the clock on to something else.

It goes without saying that leaving early is the best way to avoid all of this but regardless, there will still be traffic and you will still find yourself doing the same morning commute every day. So here are a few things you might do instead of “staring at the clock”:

1. Get a book on CD.
2. Listen to some motivational CD’s.
3. Learn a new language.
4. Talk to your children about the things you never have time to talk about.
5. Call 5 people you think you should talk to once a week
6. Go through the things that you should be thankful for that day or week

I know I am not the only one who has ever asked for peace and quiet. Well there it is, every morning as we drive through traffic. Make good use of it and it will be over in a minute or if you prefer, keeping staring at the clock in the hopes you will make it tick faster.

Universal Thought

This weekend while in Universal, I experienced an incredible feeling. We had just come back from one of the parks and I was sitting waste high in the pool, leaning against the edge. I closed my eyes and started thinking about the fact that this was the first time my eldest daughter Elle had not gone on a vacation with us. As my heart started to swell, I remembered all the first with her. The first time she saw a Disney character and clung to me for safety. The first time I played with her in the Boardwalk pool and we slid down the clown slide until we were both exhausted. I remembered convincing her to ride on all the rollercoasters and the look on her face as she ran to get back in line. The memories overwhelmed me and sadness numbed me with the thought that I would never experience those feelings with her again. I was suddenly jolted out of my trance when my youngest daughter “Baby” jumped on my back and said, “Take me around the pool, I wanna ride you like a dolphin.” I smiled , and began swimming around the pool, or at least attempting to swim around the pool with a 14yr old 110lb passenger. After her ride, I spit out the gallon of water I had engulfed to find myself suddenly attacked by Emma (middle daughter) who loves to tickle me at any opportunity that she can. The lunch we had ordered came and both girls jumped out of the pool, ran over to a pool side table and started eating. Once again, I found myself alone in the pool daydreaming about the past. I remembered all three girls clinging to me as we played in the pool. I remembered the double strollers we managed to make into triple strollers and race car driving them around the parks. When they were young, we jumped on beds, sung songs, went to character breakfast, watched fireworks, swam at night and everything else I ever dreamed a family would do together. Along the way we built a life lasting bond. Once I had snapped out of the past, I realized that the present was in my hands and it was my choice to do with it as I decided. We spent this weekend doing everything we could do.

 I enjoyed  “Baby” and “Emma” for what I could do with them now. I thought of what a great woman Elle has become and how much I enjoy talking to her now as an adult. I truly had the best time I could have ever had, with the best life a person could ever ask for.

Note: In all the time I spent daydreaming I never remembered anything bad about the trips with the girls. Bad memories come and go but the good ones last a lifetime.

What's the Message?

All of my kids have been involved in sports and they will all tell you that prior to every game, I always instruct them to send their opponents a message. If you start out the game slow and lethargic or weak and afraid, that will be the message you send the opponent. Your opponent will not only get the message but they will feed off of it. Your message can make a weak opponent strong or a strong opponent weak. The first thing I ask my girls is, “What message do you want to send and then how can you clearly communicate that message.” Of course after telling them this for many years, I ended up asking myself the same question about the messages I am sending. Just as in sports, this translates to everyday life. We send our messages out every day, from our first experience in the morning, to the last one before going to bed. What message are we sending? Have we even thought about what message we want to send? I am sure it is an effort for my children to send that message every game but they will tell you it has been worth it. In trying to send a message to their opponents, they have found that the same messages were received by their teammates and coaches. When your teamates and coaches recieve that message they too will begin to treat you according to your message.Think about what the message is you want to send, make the effort to send it and watch how everyone around you responds.

Everyone's a Teacher

Many times we spend our days just going through the motions. We go accomplishing the task at hand and not taking the time to focus on what it is we are suppose to be learning. When we do this, our potential for growth is limited. On the other hand, if as we go through our day we try to learn something from every encounter we have, the world becomes an incredible school, filled with an endless supply of teachers. When you stop to get your morning coffee, what do you learn from that server who is always so friendly and takes the time to ask about your morning? What do you learn from the way your kids act, or the questions they ask, as you drive them to camp or school? What do you learn from the co worker that attacks you as you get to work, before you have had a chance to settle in? What can you learn from, the convenience store clerk, the co worker, the neighbor, the friend, etc….

Yesterday, my sister came over for a few minutes and her kids were neatly packed into her minivan. As I stood at the passenger window and took in everything that was going on in her van, I learned a lot. The twins taught me that although we may all look the same we are all individually unique with our own set of preferences and instead of being judged for that, it should be as interesting and unique as it is with them. Sophia taught me that having strong opinions about what you like and don’t like can be a sign of strength and cute, if presented correctly. Stevie, who is usually a mile a minute, taught me that if your quite and not participating in what is going on, you can be overlooked (he was in stealth mode, I barely knew he was there). Mary as always, taught me that the right attitude makes all the difference in how you perceive the life that you have been given (gifts are given).

Everyone is a teacher if you’re willing to be the student. What will you learn today and from who?