DVD Collection

Many times in our lives we will make decisions that make sense at the time but may make less sense as time passes by. In that initial moment, we hopefully weigh out the pros and cons and make our decision. As the years go by we reinforce our decision by continuing to act on our beliefs. The scary part is that during those years, we can somewhat brainwash ourselves and be blinded to the fact that what once may have made sense, no longer does. Here is my example:

When my kids were much younger my wife and I had little or no time to go to the movies so we began buying DVD’s at Costco. We had calculated that Costco had the best prices and that buying DVD’s was much cheaper than going to the movies. After years of doing this, I began to create a DVD library that I was very proud of. As times changed and the practice of collecting DVD’s no longer made sense, I couldn’t bring myself to recognize this, so I continued to buy and add to my collection. The one adjustment I did make, was to buy them “previewed, 4 for $20” at blockbusters. When people would suggest that I was wasting my money or that I should stop collecting "fossils", it would bother me. I think one of the reasons it bothered me so much is because deep down, I knew they were right. Although I knew that my DVD collection would soon be right next to someone else’s prized VCR collection (Garage Sale or Garbage), I continued collecting them. Recently, a good friend came over and forced me to look at the deal NetFlicks had. For $8.99 a month, I could watch anything I wanted through my computer and or gaming system. In addition to movies they had TV shows. In the worst case scenario, if they didn’t have it available for live streaming they would mail me the DVD with a self addressed envelope and all I had to do is mail it back when I was done. Shockingly enough, I had to think about it. I found myself struggling to let go of the idea of buying DVD’s. The thought of not adding to the collection, bothered me. How could I stop now when I had come this far and had been collecting for so long? When I woke up the next morning, I proudly announced that I would no longer be buying DVD’s (as if though I had climbed Mount Everest). I am so happy with that decision. Once I allowed myself to make it, it was really quite painless.
So why was it so hard to make such a simple decision to change? Is it that we feel changing what we have done for so long, somehow means we are admitting that what we were doing was wrong? Is it that we become identified with our decisions? Is it that we forget to revisit our decisions to see whether or not they continue to make sense? For me, I think it was all of the above and more. What I learned was that I need to constantly revisit all the things I am doing or believing in and see if they still make as much sense as they did when I started.

Prep Work

Everyone wants to have success in life. When I speak of success I am referring to success in everything we set out to do, not just financial success. To have success we must put ourselves in a position to succeed and preparation is the dominant factor in reaching this goal. Unfortunately, preparation can seem to be boring and tedious. Even though I am well aware of the benefits of preparation, I continue to struggle with having the discipline to put all of my efforts into “prep work”. We live in a world of instant gratification. Fast food, internet and many more of the things we use daily, come to us with little or no preparation on our part. As a result, the things that require more time and preparation, can feel slow, boring and sometimes even frustrating. Regardless, preparation is key in our success and we must find ways to reinforce that belief so as to motivate ourselves during times of preparation. Reflecting on what brought us success is a tool that can be helpful. Take a look at the following examples to see not only how the “prep work” results in a more successful outcome but in the long run, might create less work.

1. Vacationing – Familiarizing yourself with your destination and the activities that are available as well as creating a budget and schedule will impact the success of your trip.

2. Sports – Practicing and physical preparation as well as diet and sleep will have a direct result on your achievements.

3. College- What was developed in Grade School and High School? Location and size of college as well as how it fits in to what your strengths are academically and socially, will have a direct impact on your chances to succeed.

4. Painting – Preparing the walls. Repair work, taping, primer and selection of paint. Not only will the “prep work” affect the outcome but it can avoid having to do things over again.

The end result is always directly impacted by preparation and although preparation is usually boring it is instrumental in our success. Through reflection I have come to the conclusion that almost all of my failures have come as a direct result of my lack of preparation and only by reflecting on that, am I able take responsibility for what I decide to succeed in next.

“Success always comes when preparation meets opportunity”

                                                                             Henry Hartman

Back by Popular Demand, Its the Sponge Bob Game!

Just in case you have never watched the show, I will sum it up for you. It’s a very sarcastic cartoon, staring the following characters. Sponge Bob, Patrick Star, Squidward, Mr Krabs, Sandy Cheeks, Plankton, and Gary! In the beginning, I watched this show with my kids with no real consideration as to what was happening. Now, upon further review, I have come to realize that it is the story of all our lives. Each character represents someone you know. So here is how we play. Familiarize yourself with all the characters and their individual characteristics.

Sponge Bob = Quirky, sarcastic, funny, a bit off the deep end
Patrick Star = Simple, naïve, jolly, dopey
Squidward = Raspy, Grumpy, Annoyed, Miserable
Mr Krabs = Busy, Money Hungry, Blinded with Ambition
Sandy Cheeks = Happy, smart, savvy, fresh
Plankton = Evil, Wicked, Thief, Mean
Pearl = Happy, Chearful, Positive
Gary = Quiet, slow, misunderstood, lonely

Now, go out into the world and every time you talk to someone, decide which character they resemble and why. I know this sounds silly but there is a point. First, it will bring light to the fact that we all take ourselves way to serious. Secondly, it will allow you to see how our actions can group us into a category of people, we may not want to be associated with. Lastly, it might make us further understand that our individuality provides for one heck of a good show. I mean how much fun would life be if everyone was Sponge Bob?
To win the game, ask yourself who you think you most resemble and why. Then ask yourself, who you think most people would pick you to be and why. Who would you like to be? Are they the same? What could you do to change your character? An important thing to remember is that people will communicate with you differently based on what character you portray. Make sure that if you want to be treated like Sponge Bob, you’re not acting like Squidward.

Where the Answer Lies

Helping someone else with their problems, is so much easier than solving our own problems? For one, we don’t have to do the work and or feel the pain involved of going through the issue. Secondly, we have not created a story in our minds pertaining to the characters involved and what has led up to the problem. Lastly, we are not emotionally invested and are therefore are able to see the problems more clearly for what they truly are, allowing us to come up with a more logical solution. Are we as the outsider, really able to see the problem more clearly? The truth is that the answer to our problems always lies within us. We know every last detail better than we could ever describe to the person trying to help us. We know how we got there, why we got there and who played what part. It may be difficult to be honest with ourselves and take responsibility as to what part we played but we know. After we ask everyone for their advice, we are the ones who ultimately decide what to do. I am not saying that it is not good to vent and bounce ideas off of others but what I am saying is that while we do this, we should always know that the answer already lies in us. We should be more conscious of the fact that asking others for advice is a one man game of squash. We bounce all of our ideas and problems off of those we respect, in an effort to confirm our feelings and ideas yet in the end it is our internal compass that guides us. Since everyone’s compass is different, what works for me, may not work for you and vice versa.


Example: If you have that one person at work that really annoys you and you just can’t seem to get away from them, ask yourself:

What is it about this person that causes me discomfort as a person?

Is there a insecurity in me that this person irritates or brings to the surface?

What message have I sent or am I sending, to that person on a daily basis?

What have I done to try to try to improve the relationship?

Assuming that the person is just a miserable person, have I tried to understand why?

Do I believe that contrary to the rest of the world this person does not want to be liked?

Do I challenge myself to break through and become that persons friend?

If we sit around waiting for others to change, we take the control out of our hands, if we take responsibility and therefore assume action, we take control of our lives.

My dad use to say that anyone could sail a ship but it took a captain to sail through rough seas. I have told my kids anyone can get good grades with an easy teacher but it takes a real student to get good grades with a bad teacher that you don’t like. The people that we meet in our lives will define our character and it won’t be the ones we like.

Conquering Your Fears?

The other day I was asked,” How do you know the difference between doing something to conquer a fear, or doing something that may be detrimental to you as a person?” I was given the examples of asking for a raise or speaking out in a meeting about something you disagree with but your superiors feel strongly about. When I talk about conquering a fear, I am talking about something that you feel you lack strength in, such as speaking in public, being social, etc. . I myself have not practiced and therefore do not like, reading or speaking in front of crowds. Leading up to the moment, adrenaline starts pumping through my body and I get extremely nervous about what I am about to do. The only way I will ever overcome this is by “conquering my fear” and pushing through the situation enough times. By doing it over and over without a negative outcome, I will become less nervous and eventually overcome the fear. To compare this to my friend’s example, if you were a person that finds it difficult to speak up in meetings, I would begin overcoming that fear by speaking out about things that will create a positive result and therefore positive reinforcement. The effects of speaking out the first time to disagree with the rest of the room, would most likely feed your fear, making it less likely for you to speak up the next time. It’s important to put ourselves in a position to succeed when we attempt to conquer our fears. The last thing that we want to do is feed the fears. In the case of asking for a raise, again it is important to differentiate between a general fear and a risk vs reward decision. A general fear would be someone who typically does not like to ask for things for themselves. In this case that person may need to “conquer their fear” to find the courage to go in and ask for the raise. On the other hand most people just fear the consequences of asking for the raise, more than the act of asking. In these cases this has nothing to do with the “conquering your fears” idea. We all have our own individual fears that we need to work on and I think it is a very valid point that we must not confuse what is a general fear, with the fear of consequences from a particular decision. Most importantly, its important to always put ourselves in a position to succeed. I will practice reading in front of small crowds before you see me singing the National Anthem at Yankee Stadium.