T.G.I.F (2)

“Thank God it’s Friday”! How come no one says, “thank God its Tuesday” or, “thank God it’s the 24th”. The answer for most, is obvious. Friday is the last day of the work week. Friday represents the beginning of the weekend. Two days off from the everyday hustle and bustle of work. Everyone says it and society reinforces it. What if everyday could give you that same feeling that Friday does? What if I told you that having a job and going to work was a vital part of your self-worth? What if I suggested that always sitting at home and doing nothing, would do nothing more than create depression and make you socially deficient, creating a lack of self worth. I realize that the weekend represents time for us to enjoy and do the activities we like doing but if we spend our weekdays focusing on our weekends then we never get to enjoy what our weekdays represent to us. Think it through and build a case for everyday to be as great as Friday. Mondays could be great for any of the following reasons, depending on who you are:

1. Maybe your favorite TV show is that night
2. Maybe you go out to lunch with your peers
3. Maybe you just want a change of environment after being at home Sat and Sunday
4. Maybe it gives you a chance to talk to your peers about the big game
5. Maybe the kids go back to school during the day and you get a break
6. Maybe there’s a hotty in your chemistry class. (no I don’t take chemistry)

Perception becomes reality and the more we tell ourselves that one day is a bad day and another is a good day, the more it becomes reality. Every day is different and for that reason alone, they are all good days. Forget about, “thank God it’s Friday” and try, “thank God it’s my day.” If you live your life waiting for Friday, it will come and go every week, taking you for an emotional rollercoaster. If you live your life for “my day” it will last forever.


For those of you who live for Friday, it’s here, so enjoy and make the most of it because your current bad to good day ratio is, 2(Fri, Sat) out of 7(Sun thru Thurs)

Im Proud of You

Isn’t it ironic how in the heat of battle we can throw around insults and curse words with reckless abandon, yet for the most part we hold compliments close to the vest. The insults and curse words are a facet of how we learned to do battle (defend ourselves) growing up. We learned at an early age that if you want to be heard in an argument, you need to speak louder (scream) to take control of the conversation. We were taught that curse words can be used to emphasize your emotional state (although I think they have lost their power, due to over using them). Lastly, we were taught that if we felt we were losing, we could do anything in our power to win, including insulting the other person. Since most everyone is using the same format, what starts out as a discussion, can lead to an argument and eventually end up in a fight. Many times, the things that were said had no relevance to what was originally being discussed. So if this is all a result of learned behavior, why don’t we just as enthusiastically learn to compliment, when things are good? Why is it so easy to curse but so difficult to compliment? Why is it so easy to tell others what they do wrong and what they should be doing differently yet so difficult to tell them what you like about them and what they do that you like. Is it that we are afraid it will make us sound stupid? Do we sound smarter when we curse and insult? Is it that we are afraid that we will sound soft or weak? Cursing may make us “sound” strong but does it “make” us strong? Which of the two comes from a stronger person? Maybe we are afraid that if we say nice things others will take advantage of us? Isn’t it true that we have direct control of who we “allow” to take advantage of us?

I recently had someone tell me they were proud of me. It caught me off guard because it was something that is typically not said. I spent a lot of that day thinking about what I could have done to evoke such a comment. It wasn’t a family member, whom one would usually associate with those words but instead it was a friend and someone I had spent little time with over the years. Those four words empowered me. As many of you know, my father died when I was 13 and in the last 30 years, I have seldom heard those words. With those four words, that person made a difference in my life and as a result, a difference in the lives of everyone I will encounter. Realize the power that you carry in your words and use them.

"Play It Again Sam"

To create habits, we need to do, hear or say the same things, many times over. The mistake is in thinking that if you do something a few times, it will somehow stick. If we look around at successful people or programs, they are all built on repeating the same thing over and over. Exercising, yoga, meditation, school, church, AA, Weight Watchers, reading the bible or even something as simple as a daily walk, can all be a form of an affirmation as to what you want in your life. In fact, that is the whole point behind my Dailydumbbells. For you the reader, as you read what is written it creates a thought for you to start your day with and hopefully helps you carry that thought throughout the day. For me as the writer, it forces me to think as I write, about the things I need to work on and then carry those thoughts with me into the day as well. Many times, I struggle with the same issues because they are the things I need to work on the most. Throughout our lives all of us have experienced the feeling of “why does this always happen?” We are confronted with the same problems over and over. This problem occurs in different settings, with different people yet the one common element is, us. The unpopular but obvious reason is that we are bringing this problem to ourselves. Until we can change the way we think and in turn change the way we act, this problem will always find us. Once we reflect on what is occurring and realize that what we have been doing must be corrected to create a new outcome, these things that seem to always appear in our lives will suddenly stop appearing.

"You can't solve a problem with the same mind that created it." -- Albert Einstein

 The difficulty is that unless we work at it daily, we will tend to go back to our old ways and once again our old problems will appear. For this reason, it is important to have something that reminds you to stay the course. We need to understand that to change the way we think, it will require revisiting the issues many times over and or having some activity that reminds us of where we want to go.

Uncontrollable Storm

A storm forms deep inside of me, for things I can’t control
I search the clouds for answers, because I don’t feel whole

Thunder shows in desperation and drowns my thoughts completely
Then silence and vast empty lands, show only to deplete me

I set in search for rainbows, the good things in my life
Dark sky’s of desperation, they cut me like a knife

In desperate search for cover, the rains persist to come
The drowning overwhelms me, my colors start to run

Standing soaked in burden, the wind will pay my toll
For passing rains will wet my body, but the sun will dry my soul
Alex Becerra

Vengeance 2

Our our first thoughts when we are hurt by others, is to strike back and or take revenge. We become engulfed with anger and the idea that vengeance can bring us peace. Vengeance can bring us peace? Does that make any sense? Maybe vengeance can bring us satisfaction? Does that make sense? Vengeance cannot bring us peace because wishing harm or ill will on another is a form of aggression and hate, which are both a direct contradiction to peace. So maybe vengeance can bring us satisfaction? Should we get our satisfaction from seeing another suffer. Will that restore a healthy, positive attitude in ourselves? What if they don’t suffer as much as we wanted them to? Will we then suffer more due to the lack of their suffering? It can get very complicated and confusing to be vengeful. In the long run, you create a world where your emotions are governed by that of others. It’s not to say that we won’t all at times feel the injustice of certain situations, but that to restore a sense of justice, we must take positive actions instead of creating ill willed negative reactions that will consume us more than others.

Before we act or better said react, we need to stop and think as to whether what we are doing is a positive step to change our circumstances, or a negative step to try to negatively change those of another.

Building Relationships

I came to realize that there is a good reason why it is, “building a relationship” and not, "naturally falling into a relationship". The truth is that all relationships, especially in the beginning, have to be built. We may have a natural tendency to like someone over another but once you begin to interact with that person, it becomes a give and take dance, with careful consideration of not stepping on your partners toes. You may think I am only referring to our romantic relationships but I am referring to all of them. Like anything else we build, the amount of time you spend and the effort you make to build a strong foundation, will impact that relationship for its entire life. There are some relationships that are not particularly chosen but more inherited, like a brother, sister, mother, father, daughter or son. Although everyone would love to believe that these relationships should be naturally occurring they are not. In fact these inherited type relationships, can be some of the most difficult you will ever have. Once again, these will not be anymore naturally occurring than the others. You must work at them just as hard, building a strong foundation of trust and mutual respect. This last part may sound a little crazy and would take pages to fully explain, but I am going to try to explain in a few short sentences. If we find that we are not feeling the way we think we should about someone and wish we felt differently, we must decide to "fake it, until we make it". Although our emotions may be saying one thing, we must tell ourselves what we want to believe about that relationship and then reinforce it through our actions. If we can do this for a sustained period of time, the relationship will change. The part that is hard to believe and may even sound a little crazy, is that the other person in the relationship doesn’t have to cooperate for this to work. We do not need the other person to change for our new perception to become our new reality. Here is a good example: We have all had close friends that we felt strongly about. Our relationship with that person was solid and we were should it would never change. During that relationship a simple change may occur, such as a change in schools, a move or change in marital status. Suddenly our relationship changes with that person. We feel and talk differently towards them. This person who was once so close, now starts to fade away and become different. We question how well we really new them. Is it possible that the core of that person changed so drastically? Is it possible that we were so off on what we thought about our original thoughts towards that person? It is more likely that with that one change, our perception changed and then we began feeding our new perception,  until it became our new reality.

It is up to us to decide what we want to feed our minds in regards to our relationships. We can feed our minds junk food and end up building unhealthy relationships. I think we should feed our minds healthy thoughts and in turn end up with healthy relationships that will keep us happy and last a lifetime.