The Journey

The journey in most cases, can be just as much fun as the destination and in some cases, better. So many of us are in such a hurry to get the things that we want, that we forget to “smell the roses” along the way. As we get older we become more aware of the journey and reflect on the aspects of the journey we enjoyed. This obviously is related to the fact that the older you get, the more of a past you have. We look back and smile at the good and bad times we experienced, that got us to where we are today. We find warmth and found remembrance in “the journey”. Think about two these examples:


1. When we first started dating, at times it felt tortuous to go through the newness of the relationship. The first time holding hands, the first kiss, the first fight and many other first were not as exciting as you now may remember them to be. At the time we just wanted everything to be perfect and were in a hurry to get to a certain level of comfort not realizing that it was the discomfort that was exiciting and fun. Now looking back, although they were not the easiest times, those were some of the best times of the relationship

2. When we buy a new home, we want it to be perfect the day we move in but in most cases cannot afford to do all the work at once. We slowly but surely begin to add furnishing, remodel, paint and do many other things to get it just the way we want it. We hurry to get it all done so it can be “perfect”. Once everything is “perfect”, a lot of people will chose to move or change styles and start all over again. If it was the journey that was going to fulfill them, why is it that once they get there they want change again? No matter what, they will always look back fondly and with admiration on all the work they had done (The Journey).

Like these two examples, there are many more I could give. The idea is that every day is the journey and the final destination is when it is all over. Slow down, smell the roses and enjoy the journey. Realize that even the very things you may be complaining about today will be missed and laughed about later.
If you can really get in this mind set, you can learn to enjoy even the worst of situations because you will have the ability to look at the present as if though you are looking at it from the future. That perspective will show things for what they truly are and bring you comfort.

I Hear You Loud But Not Clear

All of our lives are going at such an incredible pace that we barely have time to really pay attention to the details of our conversations with others. We hear what they are saying but we don’t take the time to listen to the message they are trying to convey. When I was a kid, I remember hearing my dad complain that I was hearing what he was saying but not listening. Listening to what people are saying is really somewhat of an art and takes a tremendous amount of focus and interest as to what the message is that is trying to be conveyed. It is also very important for the listener to have an open and trusting mind as to what the other person is saying. Here are some very basic examples of what is being said, what is being heard and what is trying to be conveyed. (They may not apply to you but you should get the point)


1. Said: “You always come home late from work”.

Heard: “You must be having fun or prefer being away”.

Message: “We love having you around and worry when you’re not here”.

2. Said: “I do everything around here and it would be nice to get some help”.

Heard: “ You are lazy and do nothing all day”.

Message: “Your interest, help and support, makes my workload easier to deal with”.

3. Said: “Mom/Dad, how come you always have to go to ________ with your friend".

Heard: “You’re a bad mom/dad and don’t deserve time for yourself”.

Message: “Sometimes I feel like you prefer being with your friends over me, can you reassure me that you love me and that I am important to you”.

4. Said: “I remember when we use to go to the park and throw Frisbee, that was fun”.

Heard: “I like reminiscing about going to the park and Frisbee throwing”.

Message: “I like spending time with you, can we do something together again”.

These are just a few examples, of some typical situations but every conversation is full of what is said, what is heard and what the real message trying to be conveyed is. Sometimes, even the person conveying the message, isn’t aware of what they are truly trying to convey becuase they get lost in fear and anger while trying to convey their message. In our conversations with people today, see if we can tell the difference between what people are saying and what their message is. I think you will find it to be extremely interesting, how easy it is to pick up on, if you take the time to “listen”.

Mistaken Identity

Sometimes we find it difficult to do the things we usually do so naturally and what was once fun to us becomes pressure filled and tiresome. Every one of us at some point becomes identified with something in particular that we do. We can forget that this is not who we are but just something we do. We make the mistake to build our entire identity around how well or badly, we do these things. When we do them well and we feel that others perceive us as successful, our spirits are high. On the other hand, when we stumble and are not as successful, we can be hard on ourselves and feel like we are under the microscope. Of course feeling this way can only make it harder to find fun in what we once enjoyed and while no longer having fun, the chance of success fades.


My eldest daughter Elle was an excellent cheerleader and tumbler. From the age of 6, that was her “thing”. We traveled all over the country competing and wherever we went, she was identified as a cheerleader. Her senior year in high school she was the captain of her team and once again, a big part of her identity in school was this. Now, she is in college and her cheerleading days are behind her. Is “Elle” not Elle anymore? Is she less than she once was? Will everyone treat her differently? The obvious answer is a resounding no. We were all great bubble gum bubble blowers and bike riders as well as many other things during our lives, but if our success in doing those things meant as much today as we thought they did back then, all of us would be in trouble. The best way to have success doing the things we do today, is to not identify ourselves with them and just enjoy them for what they are. How well we do things for ourselves at particular stages of our lives, will not define who we are. It is how well and what we do for others throughout our lives that will truly define us.

What Do You See?

What do you see in this picture?


Do you see a storm approaching or the skies clearing?

Do you see an eroding shore line or an endless beach?

Does the thought of traversing to the other side, tire you or excite you?

Are you overwhelmed by the challenging terrain or taken back by the beauty and variety of the landscape?

Are you disappointed with the lack of sunlight or satisfied with the absence of rain?

Is this a silent landscape with light sounds of calm oceans and distant rain, or is it filled with thunder and crashing waves?

Our perception can change how we feel about things which in turn, can change how we feel. When we learn how to have a glass empty way of looking at things, we can spiral into a negative spin that can eventually lead to depression. What is hard to realize is that it is all based on how we look at things. The picture above illustrates how so many different feelings and perception can come from the same thing. Someone who has a “glass full” kind of mentality, can tell you the wonders of this picture while others may not. How is it possible to have two different descriptions of the same thing? The only plausible answer is that there are two different perceptions. From the moment we open our eyes every morning we are bombarded with a constant slideshow of pictures. In nanoseconds we form perceptions of what we are seeing. We have it within ourselves to decide what direction we want to take with our perceptions  and in turn where they will take us. Reality will never change but our perception of reality can. Change your perception and watch how an incredible world with everything in it, will unfold for you.

Use It Or Lose It

What happens to anything that is not used? Depending on what it is, it may rust, wither, weaken or break. The law of physics is that everything will basically deteriorate in some way or the other over time. All of us enjoy the idea of being youthful and if you take a look around, you will notice that youth = using it. If you continue to stay as physically active as you did in your youth, your body (muscles) will be forced to keep their tone. Just the same, if you keep your mind active it also will be forced to keep in shape. As we get older we become less active and complacent. People say they don’t have time for this, yet they seem to find plenty of time for dinners, movies, TV , etc.. I say, we can’t afford to not have the time. We have to find the time to keep our minds and bodies in shape. My grandparent’s health began to rapidly deteriorate when they were forced to become inactive due to health issues. Once they stopped moving mentally and physically, it was a rapid, compounding decent. If you want to stay mentally or physically in shape, ask yourself, “What am I doing on a daily basis to keep mentally sharp and physically fit.” If you want to maintain, there is a minimum. If you want to improve or advance, you need to do even more. It goes without saying, that are mind and bodies will change as we age but the rate at which they change, is directly correlated to the amount of use. It’s not my message but natures. It is very clear and supported with overwhelming data, USE IT OR LOSE IT!!!

74 year old man who is obviously using it.