Jose Fernandez

This Monday morning I woke up wondering what happened to the weekend. No lie, I thought about why (once again) I hadn't won the lotto. I forcefully threw myself out of bed and did what could best be described as a "zombie walk" to my bathroom and started my morning routine. As I prepared myself to head out into the world of work, I had that thought of "here we go again." As I sludged through the traffic that I have grown so accustomed to, I turned on the radio to listen to sports talk radio. I was surprised to hear a woman trying to talk, while she obviously was sobbing. It was Jessica Blaylock, the in game reporter for the Marlins. She was talking about the tragedy of Jose Fernandez death and how it has impacted her and the team. She described how great of a person Jose was and how much fun and love he brought to the team and then she said this . " In every interview or conversation I ever had with Jose, he always said these three words: Thankfulness, Gratitude and Blessed. She went on to say. "If we get nothing more than this from his death, we should at least all look at our lives today and be THANKFUL for the things we have, GRATEFUL to God for allowing us to have them and feel BLESSED everyday." needless to say, it woke me up. It may not have been those words exactly but the message was very clear. I need to make sure I have the same passion for what I do that Jose had. I need to learn from him and have fun while I am doing it. Most importantly, I hope to have the same impact he did on others. I didn't know Jose but he has impacted my life today by the way he lived his with such passion and I thank him for that.

The Independent Puppet

Dancing to the music provided by the grand orchestras triumphant rhyme, he struggles to maintain a strong and elegant posture while keeping to the time.

His strength credited to the shadows of strings he sees while keeping to song and  blindly relaxes weight in the them, when he stumbles as things go wrong 

These strings do not provide support and he is forced to regain balance, but curses them for absence ignoring his own talents 

He will not stop the dance, as the musics forever pleading and frustrates with the thought of strings, who's supports are forever fleeting

 Although only shadows remain, of strings once so concrete, he cannot fully comprehend what keeps him on his feet.

 Tired and almost broken, he loses faith in strings and searches for a master, but stumbles while his gaze distracts and creates further disaster.

Is this a life thats meant for him, masterless supported free of strings?

Then suddenly he understands and the music starts to sing 

There was a time for strings to guide and a master set the tone but now the puppet works his best while dancing on his own 

The independent  free at last, his dance is his  no need to look around It's him alone that keeps himself from falling to the ground.

Stress

Stress can manifest itself in many ways: The inability to go to sleep, the inability to go back to sleep, muscle pains, body aches, lack of patience or internal anger that we cant identify. We throw this word around without truly contemplating its meaning or what we can do about it on a daily basis to help ourselves feel less of it and in return, more at peace (Happy).
So if we compare our mental stress to our physical stress, it allows us to more easily identify two ways to relieve stress. Imagine I hand you (2) 5lb dumbbells and ask you to hold them out in front of you. Depending on your muscle strength, after a short period of time your muscles would begin to feel stress. This stress can turn into true pain and or injure you, if not relieved . What are two ways to reduce the stress being put on the muscle. One, we can reduce the weight, which would have an immediate effect, or two we can build up muscle strength to be able to withstand the weight but this takes time. Your brain (mind) is also a muscle. If we relieve some of the unnecessary weight we put on ourselves, we can have an immediate relief. We also can build up a tolerance to the weight by strengthening our ability to handle the load. This will take time and some pain along the way, but we can build strength and techniques that allow us to handle more "weight".
Their is a more powerful way to release all of the stress we create but it is not comparable to a muscle and is unique to the mind. Our stress is created by the way we choose to perceive the things that are happening around us. Our perception creates fear and fear is the catalyst of all stress. So how can we learn to perceive the daily things that happen around us differently? Take inventory of everything that you were fearful would happen and ask yourself today, how many of those things deserved you putting your happiness on hold. In turn, remind yourself of how many things you were looking forward to, that didn't turn out the way you expected. Fear will always be there but by eliminating some of the weight, working  everyday to build strength and changing your perception of the daily obstacles thrown our way, you can build a bridge that will keep you from falling in the fearful holes that can manifest themselves in so many ways.

Moth's Cocoon

I recently decided to start watching the show Lost again and last night I remembered why. This was an episode about Charlie’s addiction and at one point he is asking Locke for help. Locke asks Charlie to come over to a tree to look at something and he shows him a moth’s cocoon. He goes on to tell Charlie that the moth is trapped inside and will struggle tirelessly through this stage of his life to make his way to the top of the cocoon where there is a small hole. Once the moth gets there, through much pain and effort, he will make the hole big enough to emerge through and fly off. He shows Charlie his knife and explains that he could easily cut through the cocoon and free the moth now but he knows that the moth would not survive. “You see, he says, it’s only through the pain and struggle that the moth will become strong enough to survive through the next stage of life”.  We all struggle but it’s the struggle and working through the pain that prepares us and makes us stronger. If you’re not scared, you’re not challenging yourself. If you’re not feeling discomfort and pain, you’re not growing. I hope I can always remember this even at times when it’s not so easy to remember. 

Complain, complain, complain

What does complaining ever really do for us? I have heard the argument that sometimes we just need to vent but after 46 years of trying the venting method, I can't recall one time that it actually made me feel better. I suspect more, I knew inside what I should have been doing and the venting was a way of just letting people know how tough things were and why I was not acting the way I knew I should be acting. I once heard someone say that if we had a cut on our  arm and it was beginning to heal, how much sense would it make to pick the scar, discuss with others how painful the injury had been and still was? Wouldn't it make much more sense to just let it heal? So than why do we feel so compelled to share our story of suffering and continue to pick the scabs? I won't speak for everyone but for me it seems that the struggles and difficulties of our lives define us. In other words, if my life was incredibly easy, "anyone could live it." On the other hand it would take a very special person to live through a difficult set of circumstances or life. This means that for me to have value, I need to have a difficult life and make sure everyone knows just how difficult things are for me. The problem is that once we finish trying to convince everyone just how hard things are, WE are the only ones left convinced, while they move on with their own lives. I would also suggest that anyone with a little bit of intelligence knows that all of our lives our challenging in their own way. I am trying to stop picking the wounds and to tell a different story about my life, so let me be the first to say, " My life is incredibly easy and I have been fortunate to be surrounded by such a great set of family and friends. I couldn't have picked a better career and I plan to dedicate as much time as possible helping those less fortunate." Now doesn't that feel better? It does for me

The Water Drop and the Mud Ball

Throwing the proverbially drop of water in the pond of life may sound like just another good analogy but when you truly are mindful of the results of your actions, it becomes much more than just an analogy. When we interact with people everyday there is an action on our behalf and a reaction on theirs. Some are obvious and apparent, while others are subtle and hidden. If we make an effort to be mindful of how  our actions and words affect others, it is more likely that we will be received well in the future by not only those who we act with, but those who have heard of our actions through others. So here it goes," We can mindful and choose to throw a "water drop" of goodwill and happiness every time we interact with someone.  By doing so we send a gentle ,clean, awesome wave of us towards these people. In turn, they will carry that wave on to others when they speak of us and or think of us. As time goes by this wave will hit the walls of our universe and come back. Then one day when we don't expect it,  that wave will come back with a refreshing splash in our faces. It may sound like this," Hey, you must be "       " I've heard so much about you. Anything you need just let me know, "          " told me how awesome you are and its so nice to finally meet you." Or maybe it wont be as obvious but it WILL be there. Some people may refer to this as Karma but Karma can sound like magic or hippy talk. What it is , is a result of a deliberate mindfulness to be selfless and happy. The crazy thing about it is that if you truly understand how being this way benefits YOU, it's actually selfish to be selfless.

The other side of this idea, is to walk around throwing mud balls into a mud pool you have created. We walk around mindlessly in auto pilot, letting anything and everything spew out of our mouths, without consideration of those around us. It's a me, me, me kind of world. As our mud balls land in the sea of mud we have created, a thick blob of mud heads out towards the edge of our universe. Guess what comes back to hit us in the face. You got it, MUD. As we find ourselves covered in mud cursing, we wonder why does this always happen to me? The answer, you're a mud slinger in a world of mud, that you have created. Try throwing some "water drops" and slowly, if you're patient, the mud will start clearing up. 

Sometimes we just cant help ourselves but if we really understand who we are hurting in the long run, it becomes much easier to be present, mindful and deliberate of our actions.

"In the Zone"

Its been a long time since I have written a blog and lately it seems every one I run into ask me why? There was a time a few years ago when I could write everyday and I felt as though I was primarily helping myself and along the way, hopefully helping others that were feeling the same way. After a while, my thoughts stopped flowing and I felt as if though what I was writing, might be taken the wrong way. I felt like people may misconstrue what I was writing and believe that somehow I felt I had all the answers or that my life was "perfect". Instead of just writing as I had done before, I started thinking too much about how my writings were being perceived and with that, it all stopped flowing.
When athletes talk about being "In the Zone", I believe its similar to how I was writing in the beginning. I was free of others thoughts and or opinions and I was just focused on the task at hand, allowing my thoughts to be transferred to paper. Once you are out of "The Zone" you become distracted by the outside noises and pressures of the game (life) and it can paralyze you. Even as I write this, I find myself thinking of how it will be perceived but in an attempt to get back to doing what was so beneficial to me, I am going to continue to write. Hopefully as I do, I will unknowingly fall back into "The Zone".

Twas the Night before Christmas

Twas the nights before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, except for my spouse.

The last minute shopping had her pulling her hair,
In hopes that all presents, she needed were there.

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of shopping kept my wife on her meds.

And mamma in her hurry, while I took a nap,
I settled my brain, while hers started to snap.

When out of my brain there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to realize nothing else mattered.

Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
gave the luster of mid-day to objects below.

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a wondrous life , for all to revere.


With daily activity, so lively and quick,
A candles light burning, right down to the wick

More rapid than eagles life’s lessons they came,
We complained, and we shouted, and called them by name!

"Now Anger! now, Frustration! now, Depression and Pain!
On, Guilt! On, Anxiety! on, Resentment and Blame!

To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!

"With life’s challenges before us, leave us wondering why
when we meet with an obstacle, we mount to the sky.

So take on life’s challenges, is what we should do,
All of life’s joys, and some sorrows too.

And then, in a twinkling, I found myself proof
all the bad from last year, disappeared in a poof.

As I cleared my head, a thought came with no sound
all good things in my life, were suddenly found.

My life was a great life, from its head to its feet,
And life’s clothes were not perfect but over all pretty neat.


A bundle of Joys life had flung in a sack,
My life was a good life, the more I looked back.

Life’s moments they twinkled! Life’s bumps could get harry!
Life wasn’t all roses, but overall it was merry!

I wasn’t quite sure, where life was planning to go,
But I knew his intentions, were as pure as the snow.

The bumps of this life, were lessons to learn,
Life had no free passes, this is something we’d earn

Life had a broad spectrum, of the good and the bad,
Life kept us all going, through the happy and sad!

Life was always reminding, it could be short like an elf,
A hard lesson remembered, unless affected myself!

With a wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Life gave me to know I had nothing to dread.

Life spoke not a word, but just kept on giving,
And filled all our days, with purpose for living.

Laying me down, with a tweak of my nose,
Life gave me a smile and then he arose!


Life sprang up to say, to us all gave a whistle,
And away we all fly like the down of a thistle.

But I heard life exclaim, ‘ere he drove out of sight,
"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-life!"

Awake

Most of the time, we go through our lives without a true appreciation for the things we have. It usually takes a loss, to remind us how important the things we take for granted, truly are.


Last week, I stood in a room surrounded by unfamiliar faces yet familiar feelings. In the corner of the room were the few faces that were familiar and to see their expressions, brought an empty feeling. I approached them and gave them my condolences for their loss, knowing that nothing I could say would bring them peace at this difficult moment. As I walked into the next room, I was reminded of the times in my life that I had loss someone close to me, in particular, my dad. I remembered the feeling of desperation knowing that this was something so permanent that no one could ever change. I found myself alone with my thoughts, sitting just outside the viewing room. Here I was, on a Thursday night, sitting alone at the wake of someone I had never personally met. Why? As you probably already have figured out from my writings, I always want to know why. I want to know the deeper meanings of the simple everyday events. I ask myself, “What am I suppose to be learning from this experience?” As I sat there, more familiar faces arrived. These were faces that less than a year ago, were not so familiar. As I stood up to greet them there was sincerity in our happiness to see one another. As we sat around talking, I found myself focusing on the relationships and could'nt help but notice, that these relationships were “real”. I found it odd since most of them had been formed over just the last couple years, yet they were more “real” than others that I had for many years. As we sat around talking, I found myself recognizing that the “realness” of these relationships, were a direct result of the people I was choosing to form relationships with. Most importantly, I found myself truly appreciating these relationships that had been so recently formed. I was grateful for having the opportunity to not only know these people but to experience their friendships. It was at that moment that it struck me. As this year comes to an end, it was a reminder of all the things I needed to be grateful for. It should go without saying that while at a wake you should appreciate life, (not only yours but all of those close to you) but in addition to life, we should never take for granted our relationships and how important they are to us. I look at life a little different than I use to. Normally I would have felt burdened and cheated out of a Thursday night but as I drove home that night, I thanked God for giving me the gift of appreciation. The wisdom to appreciate all the things in my life and I was only saddend that it took a wake to awake me. From this day forward when someone mentions going to a wake, I will say “awake” in my head, and it will bring me clarity.

Believe?

Aren’t we better off believing we can change things, than allowing other things to have control of our lives? I recently had a conversation with someone regarding Alzheimer’s. During the conversation I mentioned that if we have concerns about getting Alzheimer’s, we should work every day to keep our minds sharp. I went on to say that our minds our like our muscles - the more we neglect them, the sooner they will weaken. After going on about it for a few minutes, I got a disapproving look followed by the comment that Alzheimer’s is hereditary and there is nothing we can do about it.


Regardless of whether this is a true statement or not, do we want to live our lives this way? Isn’t it better to believe that we can change the things in our lives, than to believe we have no control? Isn’t it better to believe that we can keep our minds sharp by reading daily, doing Suduko puzzles, working, or anything else we can think of doing? Isn’t that better than believing it is all completely out of our control? I mean if you have ever heard about the placebo effect, you know that our mind is capable of doing just about anything that we believe it can do. The point isn’t whether or not we do or do not have the ability to change things but whether or not it is better to believe we can. Once we stop believing we can, we lose hope and with loss of any hope, we lose our will. I believe I can cure my own back problems, prevent Alzheimer’s, fend off potential colds, and anything else that may come my way. When I believe that it is possible, I look for things that I can start doing to help these things happen and I work hard at them. Most of all, I believe that believing empowers me and makes for a much happier life. By doing so, the worst thing that could happen is that I end up with these ailments anyway but had a great time believing I could overcome them. On the other hand, if I give into them now, the battle is already over and I succumb to the inevitable. Which one sounds like something we should do?

Independence

Learning to be independent is like learning to play a musical instrument. It doesn’t matter how old you are or how many sheets of music you read, or how many times you look at the instrument, you have to practice. As scary as it may be, we must evaluate the risk and then allow whomever it is the opportunity to do things on their own. As time passes and they have proven to be able to handle that level of responsibility we raise the bar. Within a short period of time you look up and they have gone from playing snippets of the simplest of songs with your guidance, to playing full length songs alone. What I think we must all remind ourselves is that this kind of progress only comes as a result of practice and taking calculated risk. I stress the word "calculated" because allowing someone to take on too much responsibility before they are ready to handle it, can also have an adverse effect. I look at it as age appropriate responsibility, similar to age appropriate behavior. However it’s important to understand that age refers more to one's responsibility age, than one's physical one. 

Driving is a good example. Although I am sure that there are many 12 year olds that are tall enough and physically capable to drive a car, we wouldn’t allow them to because it would be putting them in a position to fail - potentially hurting them from the natural process into healthy independence. Similarly, there are 16 year olds that although of legal age, are still not ready either and must be carefully guided and allowed more time to mature. That being said there are also 15 yr olds that the moment they sit being the wheel of a car are capable of the responsibility of driving the car as best as one can understand that responsibility. It’s a careful balance to decide who, where and when but if we don’t have the opportunity to practice we will never learn. If we reflect on our own lives and what we have learned, it was only by taking chances and practicing, that we improved and grew as individuals to become strong, confident and independent .   

Funk Fixer (It’s a long one)

Sometimes we fall into a bit of a funk and it can seem impossible to get out of it. About a month ago I had something happen where I suddenly found myself in one of these funks. My positive attitude had changed to a more negative one and everything that had seemed so clear to me, had been lost in a fog of resentment, anger and a feeling of desperation. This hadn’t been the first time this had happened to me, yet I could not remember what it was that had lifted this cloud so many times before. Needless to say, I could not write a Dailydumbbell to save my life and the thought of writing one, made me feel like a hypocrite. What had changed? Why had my thoughts gone from being so focused and happy, to so scattered and negative? About a week ago the answer came to me like it had so many times before. The answer was simple, I was focusing on myself. Somewhere in the previous month my mind had shifted from thinking of others, to thinking about myself. The more it fed my ego the more my mood and attitude shifted. I found myself saying things like, “when do I get to have fun” why don’t I get that, when do I get a break,” etc…. I think about it now and it sounds ridiculous but those were the thoughts that governed me. As my mind dwelled on these things, I built a perfect case as to why I should be disgusted with my life and everyone around me. Of course this may sound extreme but when I fall into a funk, I am just as passionate about it, as I am anything else. Slowly and almost secretly, I was forced to do things for others while putting my thoughts aside. As a result, I had brief moments of fulfillment and happiness that although I didn’t realize, were a result of focusing on and helping others. As I mentioned before this was not the first time that life had taught me this lesson and I am sure it will not be the last. Although I was seeing some light, I still was not out of the woods. I like to keep my writings short but since this is the first in while and because I think it is such an important subject, I want to share with you a story about what finally brought me out of my funk and allowed me to begin writing again.

The story of two champions:

While finding my way out of the “Funk” I was in, my sister Mary invited me to watch her son Stevie run in a cross country meet this past weekend. I agreed to go and give him my support. I woke up early Saturday morning and drove to Belen to find Mary with four of her children, patiently waiting for their brother to run the race. Once the race began, I noticed the level of excitement in all of their faces as he ran down the field in front of them. All of us were lost in our excitement for him. During the middle of the race I ran to a spot where I knew he would be coming by and cheered him on. I raced back to the stands only to find Mary and the kids in the same spot with the same look of anticipation on their faces and joy in their eyes. As the runners entered the field to run the last hundred yards, everyone was screaming in an effort to support their child and we were no different. Stevie beat his best time by running a 7:30 minute mile. As I sat there reflecting on what had just happened I realized that while focusing on others and their happiness I had brought myself happiness. I thought about how hard Stevie had to push himself even when every bone in his body was surely telling him to stop. I wondered how it was possible that I had forgotten what had previously brought me to such a high level of fulfillment. I compared my life to Stevie’s run and was disappointed in myself for quitting. Suddenly, Stevie came running up to everyone and was swarmed by a proud family of Lee’s. Although exhausted, his pride gave strength to his smile and he proudly talked about his race. I congratulated him and then Mary and the kids said goodbye as she headed off for the days adventures. As I sat there in silence pondering on the shift that had just occurred, I was reminded that there was still one more race I had come to see. A very good friend of mine had a daughter that would be running in about an hour. I took the time to think about and remind myself that my fulfillment comes from giving and helping others. This day had made me realize that for the last month, I had been a prisoner of my own selfish thoughts. Within what seemed like minutes, the last race was about to begin. I looked out on the field scanning all the girls to see if I could find Sofi Miguez. There were lots of girls but I was focusing on a petite girl with a white uniform. Within seconds I found her. She had a certain presence out there that most of the others did not have. It was a mix of confidence, strength, determination but most of all focus. Her body language as she ran up and down the field warming up, radiated with it. I had heard some good things and knew she was a great runner but could have never imagined what I was about to witness. In the first hundred yards she pulled away from the pack and got a comfortable lead of about 20yds. I watched her run effortlessly out of site and would patiently wait to catch glimpses of her as she ran the course. The first time she came back into full site, I watched to see if she would still be in front and she was. As she came around the corner she maintained her original stride and look of determination. She never looked back but only forward to her goal. If she would have looked back, she would have found that her lead had increased to 30yds. This was a two mile race so she went around one more time and I anxiously waited for her return. Within a few minutes I saw the golf cart enter the field and right behind it was Sofi. She came around the far end of the track with a Secretariat type pace and lead. I was inspired by her strength and focus and that she continued to push herself, knowing that she could slow the pace and still win easily. After she crossed the finish line, I sat and reflected on what I had been taught by two little champions. It isn’t about winning a race but more about beating your personal best. It’s about taking what God has giving you and doing the best you can with it. I was forced to admit that no matter your age, size or list of excuses, you can do anything you put your mind to and should. But the most important thing I learned that day was that in an attempt to do for others, I did the most for myself. Thank you Stevie and Sofi, for a great race, a great day and for fixing my Funk.

Mailbox Misery

Isn’t it torturous to receive a letter in the mail regarding something you disagree with but by the time you read it you realize there is nothing you can do until the next day or sometimes until Monday? Throughout my life I have received many letters and or phone calls like this. I always seemed to get them late Friday afternoon (just before the weekend) and whatever the issue was, it could not be addressed until Monday morning. I would torture myself the entire weekend. I’d run through why it was wrong and what I was going to say, reliving the moment throughout the entire weekend. Needless to say, I completely ruined my weekend and affected those around me. Now as I sit here writing this, I can only tell you that the letters usually came from the mortgage company , community management, school, utilities, insurance companies, or some lawyer letter (those were always scary). For the most part, I cant give you the details of what the letters were about and I definitely can’t tell you when I got them or how many. Whatever they were about and however life impacting they felt at the time, they all got resolved and are nothing but a faded memory now. Unfortunately what I can’t have back, are those weekends I wasted in anger or the examples I showed others on how to cope with such issues. So what was it that drove me so crazy that I felt the need to resolve the problem right then and what has changed now? The answer is, was and will always be, fear. Fear can drive us to do some really crazy things. We will act out in desperation just to bring closure and eliminate the fear. When we are forced to wait, it gives us a feeling of loss of control. The fear that they will take your house, assess you with penalties, turn off your power, raise your premium or prosecute you, can be paralyzing. Now after many years, I have reached a point where I can let go of those fears. I understand that all these things are directly controlled by my actions. I realize that they will all be resolved in time and if that time is not now, to let it go and enjoy my weekend. I take responsibility for the issues I have created for myself and reflect on how I can do things differently so as not to find myself in the same situation again. I stop blaming others and focus on what part I might have played in what's happening. Lastly, and most importantly, I focus on today and ask myself what I am so afraid of that I am willing to give up my happiness for? What is so important that living my life must wait for?

Barks Like a Dog

“If it looks like a dog and barks like a dog, it’s a dog.”

 As we go through our lives, there have been times where what we see doesn’t match with what our minds or instincts tell us. We go through an internal struggle questioning ourselves and wondering whether or not it could be possible that our instincts are just flat out wrong.

Two simple examples that we can all relate to are the following: We see people buying expensive cars, beautiful homes, going out to fancy dinners, wearing designer clothes and traveling the world vacationing. We question ourselves as to what we might be doing wrong that does not allow us the same opportunities. We ask ourselves, “Should I be working harder?" or "Am I not smart enough?" "Did I pick the wrong profession?" We wonder, "What did the others do to make them so much money?" and "How is it that they make it look so effortless?"  They seem to have the perfect life. It just doesn’t make sense. I am not saying that there are not those who have worked extremely hard and sacrificed other areas of their lives to obtain wealth, but everyone in Miami? As life unfolds, so too the truth oftern unfolds. Credit card debt, bankruptcy, foreclosures and many other financial secrets unfold and our instincts are proven to be right.

My daughter Elle spent her first semester at the University, struggling to balance her academic life with her social life. She would struggle wondering how it was possible that her friends were going to parties every night and able to make the grades. She, herself, would ask if there was something she was doing wrong. She questioned her own decisions and abilities. I would tell her, “If it looks like a dog and barks like a dog, it’s a dog. Wait until the end of the semester before you beat yourself up. Just keep doing what you know to be right.” As life unfolds so too the truth will unfold. Many of those very same girls were forced to drop their classes while others failed.

We all question ourselves but we need to go with our instincts using our internal compass to guide us. Our entire life is filled with examples like the two above. If we allow what we perceive others to be doing to guide us, we will spend everyday at the end of a social leash being yanked around in the direction that others choose to go. Remove yourself from the leash and be free to roam the park as you see fit. When you see something that doesn’t make sense remember, “If it looks like a dog and barks like a dog, it’s a dog.”

Devil's Tool

                                "Idle time is the Devil's tool."

When I was growing up, one of my best friend’s mom would always say this to us. Of course at thirteen, I just felt she was telling us we were being lazy. Now as a 43yr old man, I realize the wisdom in her words. When we are busy doing something we are forced to become fully present in the moment. While fully present in that moment all of our other thoughts cease to exist and time is lost. The result is usually a sense of fulfillment; happiness if you will. On the other hand, what happens when we become idle? We sit and think. We think about the future and what might be, sometimes creating fear and anxiety. We sit and think about the past, creating a sense of longing, sadness and sometimes despair. When my friend’s mom said idle time was the devils tool, I think she was also implying that if we had nothing to do, we might find something negative to do and get into trouble. She was right. As a result of thinking about the future and or past, one might decide that they need to do something to try to correct the past and or what they believe to be the inevitable future. That decision can involve, and many times will involve, making a bad decision.

When it comes to raising my kids this has absolutely been the case. When we have kept them constantly busy with schooling, sports and personal activities, they have stayed positive and happy. On the other hand when there has been the least bit of inactivity, they complain about being tired more, they lack motivation, they seem almost bored with life and at times just lay around waiting for something to happen to them. This is no different for me. When I am constantly moving and busy, I am fulfilled and happy. I sometimes hear a voice that tries to tell me I need a break or that I wish I could just lie around and do nothing for a day. I’ve come to learn that that is the voice of death (figuratively speaking). That it is the devil in, “Idle time is the devil’s tool.” If I feed that idea, it will grow out of control and I will find myself wanting more and more time to rest. It has an insatiable appetite. On the other hand if I push forward and ignore it, I become present in what I am doing and a natural flow or tempo is created. The rest and down time, is self dictated and when it arrives, I am present in that moment as well.

It took me 30 years to get it. Idle time truly is the Devil's tool and therefore Work and activity can only be God’s gift.

What is Bad? (2)

What is good versus what is bad, is usually determined by how we think we will be ultimately affected by what is happening. If we really looked in depth, we would realize that most of what we determine to be bad, is created in our own minds. The only way we could possibly determine whether something is bad, would be if we could foresee the end results. Since this is impossible, we create a future world in which we determine how the event will negatively impact our lives. Based on this imaginary future we make a determination as to whether the event is good or bad.
A very simple example can be illustrated through sports. When the Miami Heat pulled off one of the biggest trades in the history of the NBA, it was a great thing and people in Miami were elated. However if you lived in Clevland, it was betrayal and the end of your franchise. The people in Clevland were were insanely upset. Oh yeah, and the rest of the country had mixed emotions. Based on how each group thought they would be affected, they determined whether the event was a “good thing” or a “bad thing.” The reality is that not even one single game has been played yet. No one really knows what any of it means. We can have our ideas but nothing has really happened yet. It may be the best thing that ever happened to Clevland and the worst thing that ever happened to Miami.
So how can one event be a good thing, a bad thing, or “no thing” all at once? The answer is that it can’t. It is just an event, neither good nor bad, just an event. That example is simple but powerful because so many people can have their entire mood change and their lives affected from the results of one sporting event. Life is too important and short to be affected by something so trivial.

Here’s a more powerful example: My dad died when I was thirteen and that was a bad thing that happened to me and my family. Or was it? Originally I perceived this to be the most horrific thing that could have happened to me. I spent many nights asking God why he would do this to me. It is only now that I realize that with my father’s death, many great things have happened in my life. My wife, my children and the way I look at life, are all direct results of his death. In short, I am who I am today, because of his death, not inspite of it. I am not suggesting that everything that happens will feel good. I am only suggesting that if you look back at your life, many of the things that you thought to be so horrible at the time, turned out to be good things. In the end when we look back with the benefit of knowing the conclusion, everything will be good.

Lottery (2)

Too many times I hear people say, " If I could just win the Lotto everything would be different." Of course I can understand the financial freedom, however temporary, that might come from such an event but how would this make someone change their feelings towards themselves? What would they be so proud of ? That they were able to pick random numbers. Give a monkey some darts and he can do the same. Once we bought everything we think we needed and gave to those who we thought were deserving, then what? Would we feel pride, or perhaps some sense of fulfillment? We should take pride in the fact that we make it through our lives without winning the Lotto. We provide for our families and give to others when it is not so easy to do so. When times are difficult we have the perseverance to continue forward. Giving what comes without sacrifice and what you have in great abundance is easy. Giving what we have worked hard for and is scarce, is what will be appreciated the most and fulfill us in the end.

We are all lottery winners in one way or the other. Whether its the health lotto, family lotto, brains lotto, good job lotto or any of the many others, I am sure when we look at the gifts we have in our lives, we can find our own personal lotto win. If the $1 million dollar lotto winner spends his days worrying about why he didn't win the power ball for $136 million, he will always be disappointed and feel cheated. We should be thankful for the things we have been given and not worry about the things we think we "should have" received. When we let go and fully trust that what is, is what should be, the world opens up to us and everything comes in abundance. When we try to force and fight against what is, we only tire and make it more difficult and break things along the way.

We Tell Our Children (2)

We tell our children:

“Always give 100% to everything that you do.”

“Have confidence in yourself.”

“Don’t be so hard on yourself.”

“Don’t settle for just anyone, wait for the right person.”

“You deserve better.”

“Pick your friends wisely.”

“Don’t worry about what other people think.”

“Don’t be a follower, be a leader.”

“Life isn’t always about having fun.”

“If you want something bad enough, I know you will get it.”

The question is, what do we tell ourselves?

Nobody's Perfect

There’s pretty much something about everyone we know that we don’t like and I am sure the same can be said about us. Without thinking about it consciously, we tend to like those people who have more of the qualities we like than dislike but even the best of the best, will have things we wish where we could change. The other day while talking to a friend they said, “I really expected more from this person, they are one of my closest friends.” The key word in what they said was, “expected”. As we talked about it some more he said, "if the shoe was on the other foot, I would have done...’’ and then he went on to say how he would have handled it. How can we hold everyone to a standard based on what we would do as opposed to what they would do? Maybe the things that occur to us, don’t occur to them. Maybe we have more insight or have been exposed to a different way of handling things. For many reasons, we all handle things our own ways because we are all individuals with a lifetime of different experiences. The key is managing our expectations of others as well as our interpretations of their behaviors. We cant assume that because our doing something means something, that it means the same when another does it. The fact that one might apologize quickly when in the wrong, doesn’t mean everyone will. Maybe it just comes easier to one person than another. I would assume that it means more coming from the person whom its harder for. The point is that everyone is different and therefore we all handle things differently. If we hold everyone to our standard and expectations, it will be hard to find anyone that doesn’t eventually disappoint us. In the end, I gave my friend this example that has always been helpful to me.
“I have many pets. I have two birds, a rabbit, two dogs, a cat and some rats in the attic but they don’t count. I may like some of my pets more than others but enjoy all of them. I never ask the birds to sit or play dead. I never try to put my rabbit on my finger and ask him to sing or talk. I never get mad at the dog for not using the litter box and I never take the rabbit for a jog. I enjoy them all for what they can offer and my expectations for each one of my pets are in line with what they are capable of offering. Just imagine how frustrated I would be, if my expectations were not.”

This example is by no means comparing the ones we love to our pets but meant more as an illustration of the influence our expectations can have on our relationships.

Traffic Again?

With school back in session, the roads have once again become disgustingly crowded. The time to get to work in the mornings has almost doubled and the near misses while jockeying for positions are increasing by the day. It’s a hostile environment out there and on top of that the anxiety level for everyone has escalated as we rush to make it on time to our destinations. Of course this is a fabulous way to start your day. By the time you get to where you’re going, you’re so jacked up that the smallest misfortune can seem like the end of the world. It can take us hours to come down from this heightened state of anxiety. Needless to say, none of the screaming, honking or worrying has any effect on the traffic. In fact, it’s the equivalent of staring at a clock to make time go by faster. The only thing that makes time go by faster is to distract yourself away from the clock on to something else.

It goes without saying that leaving early is the best way to avoid all of this but regardless, there will still be traffic and you will still find yourself doing the same morning commute every day. So here are a few things you might do instead of “staring at the clock”:

1. Get a book on CD.
2. Listen to some motivational CD’s.
3. Learn a new language.
4. Talk to your children about the things you never have time to talk about.
5. Call 5 people you think you should talk to once a week
6. Go through the things that you should be thankful for that day or week

I know I am not the only one who has ever asked for peace and quiet. Well there it is, every morning as we drive through traffic. Make good use of it and it will be over in a minute or if you prefer, keeping staring at the clock in the hopes you will make it tick faster.