Twas the Night before Christmas

Twas the nights before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, except for my spouse.

The last minute shopping had her pulling her hair,
In hopes that all presents, she needed were there.

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of shopping kept my wife on her meds.

And mamma in her hurry, while I took a nap,
I settled my brain, while hers started to snap.

When out of my brain there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to realize nothing else mattered.

Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
gave the luster of mid-day to objects below.

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a wondrous life , for all to revere.


With daily activity, so lively and quick,
A candles light burning, right down to the wick

More rapid than eagles life’s lessons they came,
We complained, and we shouted, and called them by name!

"Now Anger! now, Frustration! now, Depression and Pain!
On, Guilt! On, Anxiety! on, Resentment and Blame!

To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!

"With life’s challenges before us, leave us wondering why
when we meet with an obstacle, we mount to the sky.

So take on life’s challenges, is what we should do,
All of life’s joys, and some sorrows too.

And then, in a twinkling, I found myself proof
all the bad from last year, disappeared in a poof.

As I cleared my head, a thought came with no sound
all good things in my life, were suddenly found.

My life was a great life, from its head to its feet,
And life’s clothes were not perfect but over all pretty neat.


A bundle of Joys life had flung in a sack,
My life was a good life, the more I looked back.

Life’s moments they twinkled! Life’s bumps could get harry!
Life wasn’t all roses, but overall it was merry!

I wasn’t quite sure, where life was planning to go,
But I knew his intentions, were as pure as the snow.

The bumps of this life, were lessons to learn,
Life had no free passes, this is something we’d earn

Life had a broad spectrum, of the good and the bad,
Life kept us all going, through the happy and sad!

Life was always reminding, it could be short like an elf,
A hard lesson remembered, unless affected myself!

With a wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Life gave me to know I had nothing to dread.

Life spoke not a word, but just kept on giving,
And filled all our days, with purpose for living.

Laying me down, with a tweak of my nose,
Life gave me a smile and then he arose!


Life sprang up to say, to us all gave a whistle,
And away we all fly like the down of a thistle.

But I heard life exclaim, ‘ere he drove out of sight,
"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-life!"

Awake

Most of the time, we go through our lives without a true appreciation for the things we have. It usually takes a loss, to remind us how important the things we take for granted, truly are.


Last week, I stood in a room surrounded by unfamiliar faces yet familiar feelings. In the corner of the room were the few faces that were familiar and to see their expressions, brought an empty feeling. I approached them and gave them my condolences for their loss, knowing that nothing I could say would bring them peace at this difficult moment. As I walked into the next room, I was reminded of the times in my life that I had loss someone close to me, in particular, my dad. I remembered the feeling of desperation knowing that this was something so permanent that no one could ever change. I found myself alone with my thoughts, sitting just outside the viewing room. Here I was, on a Thursday night, sitting alone at the wake of someone I had never personally met. Why? As you probably already have figured out from my writings, I always want to know why. I want to know the deeper meanings of the simple everyday events. I ask myself, “What am I suppose to be learning from this experience?” As I sat there, more familiar faces arrived. These were faces that less than a year ago, were not so familiar. As I stood up to greet them there was sincerity in our happiness to see one another. As we sat around talking, I found myself focusing on the relationships and could'nt help but notice, that these relationships were “real”. I found it odd since most of them had been formed over just the last couple years, yet they were more “real” than others that I had for many years. As we sat around talking, I found myself recognizing that the “realness” of these relationships, were a direct result of the people I was choosing to form relationships with. Most importantly, I found myself truly appreciating these relationships that had been so recently formed. I was grateful for having the opportunity to not only know these people but to experience their friendships. It was at that moment that it struck me. As this year comes to an end, it was a reminder of all the things I needed to be grateful for. It should go without saying that while at a wake you should appreciate life, (not only yours but all of those close to you) but in addition to life, we should never take for granted our relationships and how important they are to us. I look at life a little different than I use to. Normally I would have felt burdened and cheated out of a Thursday night but as I drove home that night, I thanked God for giving me the gift of appreciation. The wisdom to appreciate all the things in my life and I was only saddend that it took a wake to awake me. From this day forward when someone mentions going to a wake, I will say “awake” in my head, and it will bring me clarity.

Believe?

Aren’t we better off believing we can change things, than allowing other things to have control of our lives? I recently had a conversation with someone regarding Alzheimer’s. During the conversation I mentioned that if we have concerns about getting Alzheimer’s, we should work every day to keep our minds sharp. I went on to say that our minds our like our muscles - the more we neglect them, the sooner they will weaken. After going on about it for a few minutes, I got a disapproving look followed by the comment that Alzheimer’s is hereditary and there is nothing we can do about it.


Regardless of whether this is a true statement or not, do we want to live our lives this way? Isn’t it better to believe that we can change the things in our lives, than to believe we have no control? Isn’t it better to believe that we can keep our minds sharp by reading daily, doing Suduko puzzles, working, or anything else we can think of doing? Isn’t that better than believing it is all completely out of our control? I mean if you have ever heard about the placebo effect, you know that our mind is capable of doing just about anything that we believe it can do. The point isn’t whether or not we do or do not have the ability to change things but whether or not it is better to believe we can. Once we stop believing we can, we lose hope and with loss of any hope, we lose our will. I believe I can cure my own back problems, prevent Alzheimer’s, fend off potential colds, and anything else that may come my way. When I believe that it is possible, I look for things that I can start doing to help these things happen and I work hard at them. Most of all, I believe that believing empowers me and makes for a much happier life. By doing so, the worst thing that could happen is that I end up with these ailments anyway but had a great time believing I could overcome them. On the other hand, if I give into them now, the battle is already over and I succumb to the inevitable. Which one sounds like something we should do?

Independence

Learning to be independent is like learning to play a musical instrument. It doesn’t matter how old you are or how many sheets of music you read, or how many times you look at the instrument, you have to practice. As scary as it may be, we must evaluate the risk and then allow whomever it is the opportunity to do things on their own. As time passes and they have proven to be able to handle that level of responsibility we raise the bar. Within a short period of time you look up and they have gone from playing snippets of the simplest of songs with your guidance, to playing full length songs alone. What I think we must all remind ourselves is that this kind of progress only comes as a result of practice and taking calculated risk. I stress the word "calculated" because allowing someone to take on too much responsibility before they are ready to handle it, can also have an adverse effect. I look at it as age appropriate responsibility, similar to age appropriate behavior. However it’s important to understand that age refers more to one's responsibility age, than one's physical one. 

Driving is a good example. Although I am sure that there are many 12 year olds that are tall enough and physically capable to drive a car, we wouldn’t allow them to because it would be putting them in a position to fail - potentially hurting them from the natural process into healthy independence. Similarly, there are 16 year olds that although of legal age, are still not ready either and must be carefully guided and allowed more time to mature. That being said there are also 15 yr olds that the moment they sit being the wheel of a car are capable of the responsibility of driving the car as best as one can understand that responsibility. It’s a careful balance to decide who, where and when but if we don’t have the opportunity to practice we will never learn. If we reflect on our own lives and what we have learned, it was only by taking chances and practicing, that we improved and grew as individuals to become strong, confident and independent .   

Funk Fixer (It’s a long one)

Sometimes we fall into a bit of a funk and it can seem impossible to get out of it. About a month ago I had something happen where I suddenly found myself in one of these funks. My positive attitude had changed to a more negative one and everything that had seemed so clear to me, had been lost in a fog of resentment, anger and a feeling of desperation. This hadn’t been the first time this had happened to me, yet I could not remember what it was that had lifted this cloud so many times before. Needless to say, I could not write a Dailydumbbell to save my life and the thought of writing one, made me feel like a hypocrite. What had changed? Why had my thoughts gone from being so focused and happy, to so scattered and negative? About a week ago the answer came to me like it had so many times before. The answer was simple, I was focusing on myself. Somewhere in the previous month my mind had shifted from thinking of others, to thinking about myself. The more it fed my ego the more my mood and attitude shifted. I found myself saying things like, “when do I get to have fun” why don’t I get that, when do I get a break,” etc…. I think about it now and it sounds ridiculous but those were the thoughts that governed me. As my mind dwelled on these things, I built a perfect case as to why I should be disgusted with my life and everyone around me. Of course this may sound extreme but when I fall into a funk, I am just as passionate about it, as I am anything else. Slowly and almost secretly, I was forced to do things for others while putting my thoughts aside. As a result, I had brief moments of fulfillment and happiness that although I didn’t realize, were a result of focusing on and helping others. As I mentioned before this was not the first time that life had taught me this lesson and I am sure it will not be the last. Although I was seeing some light, I still was not out of the woods. I like to keep my writings short but since this is the first in while and because I think it is such an important subject, I want to share with you a story about what finally brought me out of my funk and allowed me to begin writing again.

The story of two champions:

While finding my way out of the “Funk” I was in, my sister Mary invited me to watch her son Stevie run in a cross country meet this past weekend. I agreed to go and give him my support. I woke up early Saturday morning and drove to Belen to find Mary with four of her children, patiently waiting for their brother to run the race. Once the race began, I noticed the level of excitement in all of their faces as he ran down the field in front of them. All of us were lost in our excitement for him. During the middle of the race I ran to a spot where I knew he would be coming by and cheered him on. I raced back to the stands only to find Mary and the kids in the same spot with the same look of anticipation on their faces and joy in their eyes. As the runners entered the field to run the last hundred yards, everyone was screaming in an effort to support their child and we were no different. Stevie beat his best time by running a 7:30 minute mile. As I sat there reflecting on what had just happened I realized that while focusing on others and their happiness I had brought myself happiness. I thought about how hard Stevie had to push himself even when every bone in his body was surely telling him to stop. I wondered how it was possible that I had forgotten what had previously brought me to such a high level of fulfillment. I compared my life to Stevie’s run and was disappointed in myself for quitting. Suddenly, Stevie came running up to everyone and was swarmed by a proud family of Lee’s. Although exhausted, his pride gave strength to his smile and he proudly talked about his race. I congratulated him and then Mary and the kids said goodbye as she headed off for the days adventures. As I sat there in silence pondering on the shift that had just occurred, I was reminded that there was still one more race I had come to see. A very good friend of mine had a daughter that would be running in about an hour. I took the time to think about and remind myself that my fulfillment comes from giving and helping others. This day had made me realize that for the last month, I had been a prisoner of my own selfish thoughts. Within what seemed like minutes, the last race was about to begin. I looked out on the field scanning all the girls to see if I could find Sofi Miguez. There were lots of girls but I was focusing on a petite girl with a white uniform. Within seconds I found her. She had a certain presence out there that most of the others did not have. It was a mix of confidence, strength, determination but most of all focus. Her body language as she ran up and down the field warming up, radiated with it. I had heard some good things and knew she was a great runner but could have never imagined what I was about to witness. In the first hundred yards she pulled away from the pack and got a comfortable lead of about 20yds. I watched her run effortlessly out of site and would patiently wait to catch glimpses of her as she ran the course. The first time she came back into full site, I watched to see if she would still be in front and she was. As she came around the corner she maintained her original stride and look of determination. She never looked back but only forward to her goal. If she would have looked back, she would have found that her lead had increased to 30yds. This was a two mile race so she went around one more time and I anxiously waited for her return. Within a few minutes I saw the golf cart enter the field and right behind it was Sofi. She came around the far end of the track with a Secretariat type pace and lead. I was inspired by her strength and focus and that she continued to push herself, knowing that she could slow the pace and still win easily. After she crossed the finish line, I sat and reflected on what I had been taught by two little champions. It isn’t about winning a race but more about beating your personal best. It’s about taking what God has giving you and doing the best you can with it. I was forced to admit that no matter your age, size or list of excuses, you can do anything you put your mind to and should. But the most important thing I learned that day was that in an attempt to do for others, I did the most for myself. Thank you Stevie and Sofi, for a great race, a great day and for fixing my Funk.