Complain, complain, complain

What does complaining ever really do for us? I have heard the argument that sometimes we just need to vent but after 46 years of trying the venting method, I can't recall one time that it actually made me feel better. I suspect more, I knew inside what I should have been doing and the venting was a way of just letting people know how tough things were and why I was not acting the way I knew I should be acting. I once heard someone say that if we had a cut on our  arm and it was beginning to heal, how much sense would it make to pick the scar, discuss with others how painful the injury had been and still was? Wouldn't it make much more sense to just let it heal? So than why do we feel so compelled to share our story of suffering and continue to pick the scabs? I won't speak for everyone but for me it seems that the struggles and difficulties of our lives define us. In other words, if my life was incredibly easy, "anyone could live it." On the other hand it would take a very special person to live through a difficult set of circumstances or life. This means that for me to have value, I need to have a difficult life and make sure everyone knows just how difficult things are for me. The problem is that once we finish trying to convince everyone just how hard things are, WE are the only ones left convinced, while they move on with their own lives. I would also suggest that anyone with a little bit of intelligence knows that all of our lives our challenging in their own way. I am trying to stop picking the wounds and to tell a different story about my life, so let me be the first to say, " My life is incredibly easy and I have been fortunate to be surrounded by such a great set of family and friends. I couldn't have picked a better career and I plan to dedicate as much time as possible helping those less fortunate." Now doesn't that feel better? It does for me

The Water Drop and the Mud Ball

Throwing the proverbially drop of water in the pond of life may sound like just another good analogy but when you truly are mindful of the results of your actions, it becomes much more than just an analogy. When we interact with people everyday there is an action on our behalf and a reaction on theirs. Some are obvious and apparent, while others are subtle and hidden. If we make an effort to be mindful of how  our actions and words affect others, it is more likely that we will be received well in the future by not only those who we act with, but those who have heard of our actions through others. So here it goes," We can mindful and choose to throw a "water drop" of goodwill and happiness every time we interact with someone.  By doing so we send a gentle ,clean, awesome wave of us towards these people. In turn, they will carry that wave on to others when they speak of us and or think of us. As time goes by this wave will hit the walls of our universe and come back. Then one day when we don't expect it,  that wave will come back with a refreshing splash in our faces. It may sound like this," Hey, you must be "       " I've heard so much about you. Anything you need just let me know, "          " told me how awesome you are and its so nice to finally meet you." Or maybe it wont be as obvious but it WILL be there. Some people may refer to this as Karma but Karma can sound like magic or hippy talk. What it is , is a result of a deliberate mindfulness to be selfless and happy. The crazy thing about it is that if you truly understand how being this way benefits YOU, it's actually selfish to be selfless.

The other side of this idea, is to walk around throwing mud balls into a mud pool you have created. We walk around mindlessly in auto pilot, letting anything and everything spew out of our mouths, without consideration of those around us. It's a me, me, me kind of world. As our mud balls land in the sea of mud we have created, a thick blob of mud heads out towards the edge of our universe. Guess what comes back to hit us in the face. You got it, MUD. As we find ourselves covered in mud cursing, we wonder why does this always happen to me? The answer, you're a mud slinger in a world of mud, that you have created. Try throwing some "water drops" and slowly, if you're patient, the mud will start clearing up. 

Sometimes we just cant help ourselves but if we really understand who we are hurting in the long run, it becomes much easier to be present, mindful and deliberate of our actions.

"In the Zone"

Its been a long time since I have written a blog and lately it seems every one I run into ask me why? There was a time a few years ago when I could write everyday and I felt as though I was primarily helping myself and along the way, hopefully helping others that were feeling the same way. After a while, my thoughts stopped flowing and I felt as if though what I was writing, might be taken the wrong way. I felt like people may misconstrue what I was writing and believe that somehow I felt I had all the answers or that my life was "perfect". Instead of just writing as I had done before, I started thinking too much about how my writings were being perceived and with that, it all stopped flowing.
When athletes talk about being "In the Zone", I believe its similar to how I was writing in the beginning. I was free of others thoughts and or opinions and I was just focused on the task at hand, allowing my thoughts to be transferred to paper. Once you are out of "The Zone" you become distracted by the outside noises and pressures of the game (life) and it can paralyze you. Even as I write this, I find myself thinking of how it will be perceived but in an attempt to get back to doing what was so beneficial to me, I am going to continue to write. Hopefully as I do, I will unknowingly fall back into "The Zone".

Twas the Night before Christmas

Twas the nights before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, except for my spouse.

The last minute shopping had her pulling her hair,
In hopes that all presents, she needed were there.

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of shopping kept my wife on her meds.

And mamma in her hurry, while I took a nap,
I settled my brain, while hers started to snap.

When out of my brain there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to realize nothing else mattered.

Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
gave the luster of mid-day to objects below.

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a wondrous life , for all to revere.


With daily activity, so lively and quick,
A candles light burning, right down to the wick

More rapid than eagles life’s lessons they came,
We complained, and we shouted, and called them by name!

"Now Anger! now, Frustration! now, Depression and Pain!
On, Guilt! On, Anxiety! on, Resentment and Blame!

To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!

"With life’s challenges before us, leave us wondering why
when we meet with an obstacle, we mount to the sky.

So take on life’s challenges, is what we should do,
All of life’s joys, and some sorrows too.

And then, in a twinkling, I found myself proof
all the bad from last year, disappeared in a poof.

As I cleared my head, a thought came with no sound
all good things in my life, were suddenly found.

My life was a great life, from its head to its feet,
And life’s clothes were not perfect but over all pretty neat.


A bundle of Joys life had flung in a sack,
My life was a good life, the more I looked back.

Life’s moments they twinkled! Life’s bumps could get harry!
Life wasn’t all roses, but overall it was merry!

I wasn’t quite sure, where life was planning to go,
But I knew his intentions, were as pure as the snow.

The bumps of this life, were lessons to learn,
Life had no free passes, this is something we’d earn

Life had a broad spectrum, of the good and the bad,
Life kept us all going, through the happy and sad!

Life was always reminding, it could be short like an elf,
A hard lesson remembered, unless affected myself!

With a wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Life gave me to know I had nothing to dread.

Life spoke not a word, but just kept on giving,
And filled all our days, with purpose for living.

Laying me down, with a tweak of my nose,
Life gave me a smile and then he arose!


Life sprang up to say, to us all gave a whistle,
And away we all fly like the down of a thistle.

But I heard life exclaim, ‘ere he drove out of sight,
"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-life!"

Awake

Most of the time, we go through our lives without a true appreciation for the things we have. It usually takes a loss, to remind us how important the things we take for granted, truly are.


Last week, I stood in a room surrounded by unfamiliar faces yet familiar feelings. In the corner of the room were the few faces that were familiar and to see their expressions, brought an empty feeling. I approached them and gave them my condolences for their loss, knowing that nothing I could say would bring them peace at this difficult moment. As I walked into the next room, I was reminded of the times in my life that I had loss someone close to me, in particular, my dad. I remembered the feeling of desperation knowing that this was something so permanent that no one could ever change. I found myself alone with my thoughts, sitting just outside the viewing room. Here I was, on a Thursday night, sitting alone at the wake of someone I had never personally met. Why? As you probably already have figured out from my writings, I always want to know why. I want to know the deeper meanings of the simple everyday events. I ask myself, “What am I suppose to be learning from this experience?” As I sat there, more familiar faces arrived. These were faces that less than a year ago, were not so familiar. As I stood up to greet them there was sincerity in our happiness to see one another. As we sat around talking, I found myself focusing on the relationships and could'nt help but notice, that these relationships were “real”. I found it odd since most of them had been formed over just the last couple years, yet they were more “real” than others that I had for many years. As we sat around talking, I found myself recognizing that the “realness” of these relationships, were a direct result of the people I was choosing to form relationships with. Most importantly, I found myself truly appreciating these relationships that had been so recently formed. I was grateful for having the opportunity to not only know these people but to experience their friendships. It was at that moment that it struck me. As this year comes to an end, it was a reminder of all the things I needed to be grateful for. It should go without saying that while at a wake you should appreciate life, (not only yours but all of those close to you) but in addition to life, we should never take for granted our relationships and how important they are to us. I look at life a little different than I use to. Normally I would have felt burdened and cheated out of a Thursday night but as I drove home that night, I thanked God for giving me the gift of appreciation. The wisdom to appreciate all the things in my life and I was only saddend that it took a wake to awake me. From this day forward when someone mentions going to a wake, I will say “awake” in my head, and it will bring me clarity.