Stress

Stress can manifest itself in many ways: The inability to go to sleep, the inability to go back to sleep, muscle pains, body aches, lack of patience or internal anger that we cant identify. We throw this word around without truly contemplating its meaning or what we can do about it on a daily basis to help ourselves feel less of it and in return, more at peace (Happy).
So if we compare our mental stress to our physical stress, it allows us to more easily identify two ways to relieve stress. Imagine I hand you (2) 5lb dumbbells and ask you to hold them out in front of you. Depending on your muscle strength, after a short period of time your muscles would begin to feel stress. This stress can turn into true pain and or injure you, if not relieved . What are two ways to reduce the stress being put on the muscle. One, we can reduce the weight, which would have an immediate effect, or two we can build up muscle strength to be able to withstand the weight but this takes time. Your brain (mind) is also a muscle. If we relieve some of the unnecessary weight we put on ourselves, we can have an immediate relief. We also can build up a tolerance to the weight by strengthening our ability to handle the load. This will take time and some pain along the way, but we can build strength and techniques that allow us to handle more "weight".
Their is a more powerful way to release all of the stress we create but it is not comparable to a muscle and is unique to the mind. Our stress is created by the way we choose to perceive the things that are happening around us. Our perception creates fear and fear is the catalyst of all stress. So how can we learn to perceive the daily things that happen around us differently? Take inventory of everything that you were fearful would happen and ask yourself today, how many of those things deserved you putting your happiness on hold. In turn, remind yourself of how many things you were looking forward to, that didn't turn out the way you expected. Fear will always be there but by eliminating some of the weight, working  everyday to build strength and changing your perception of the daily obstacles thrown our way, you can build a bridge that will keep you from falling in the fearful holes that can manifest themselves in so many ways.

Moth's Cocoon

I recently decided to start watching the show Lost again and last night I remembered why. This was an episode about Charlie’s addiction and at one point he is asking Locke for help. Locke asks Charlie to come over to a tree to look at something and he shows him a moth’s cocoon. He goes on to tell Charlie that the moth is trapped inside and will struggle tirelessly through this stage of his life to make his way to the top of the cocoon where there is a small hole. Once the moth gets there, through much pain and effort, he will make the hole big enough to emerge through and fly off. He shows Charlie his knife and explains that he could easily cut through the cocoon and free the moth now but he knows that the moth would not survive. “You see, he says, it’s only through the pain and struggle that the moth will become strong enough to survive through the next stage of life”.  We all struggle but it’s the struggle and working through the pain that prepares us and makes us stronger. If you’re not scared, you’re not challenging yourself. If you’re not feeling discomfort and pain, you’re not growing. I hope I can always remember this even at times when it’s not so easy to remember. 

Complain, complain, complain

What does complaining ever really do for us? I have heard the argument that sometimes we just need to vent but after 46 years of trying the venting method, I can't recall one time that it actually made me feel better. I suspect more, I knew inside what I should have been doing and the venting was a way of just letting people know how tough things were and why I was not acting the way I knew I should be acting. I once heard someone say that if we had a cut on our  arm and it was beginning to heal, how much sense would it make to pick the scar, discuss with others how painful the injury had been and still was? Wouldn't it make much more sense to just let it heal? So than why do we feel so compelled to share our story of suffering and continue to pick the scabs? I won't speak for everyone but for me it seems that the struggles and difficulties of our lives define us. In other words, if my life was incredibly easy, "anyone could live it." On the other hand it would take a very special person to live through a difficult set of circumstances or life. This means that for me to have value, I need to have a difficult life and make sure everyone knows just how difficult things are for me. The problem is that once we finish trying to convince everyone just how hard things are, WE are the only ones left convinced, while they move on with their own lives. I would also suggest that anyone with a little bit of intelligence knows that all of our lives our challenging in their own way. I am trying to stop picking the wounds and to tell a different story about my life, so let me be the first to say, " My life is incredibly easy and I have been fortunate to be surrounded by such a great set of family and friends. I couldn't have picked a better career and I plan to dedicate as much time as possible helping those less fortunate." Now doesn't that feel better? It does for me

The Water Drop and the Mud Ball

Throwing the proverbially drop of water in the pond of life may sound like just another good analogy but when you truly are mindful of the results of your actions, it becomes much more than just an analogy. When we interact with people everyday there is an action on our behalf and a reaction on theirs. Some are obvious and apparent, while others are subtle and hidden. If we make an effort to be mindful of how  our actions and words affect others, it is more likely that we will be received well in the future by not only those who we act with, but those who have heard of our actions through others. So here it goes," We can mindful and choose to throw a "water drop" of goodwill and happiness every time we interact with someone.  By doing so we send a gentle ,clean, awesome wave of us towards these people. In turn, they will carry that wave on to others when they speak of us and or think of us. As time goes by this wave will hit the walls of our universe and come back. Then one day when we don't expect it,  that wave will come back with a refreshing splash in our faces. It may sound like this," Hey, you must be "       " I've heard so much about you. Anything you need just let me know, "          " told me how awesome you are and its so nice to finally meet you." Or maybe it wont be as obvious but it WILL be there. Some people may refer to this as Karma but Karma can sound like magic or hippy talk. What it is , is a result of a deliberate mindfulness to be selfless and happy. The crazy thing about it is that if you truly understand how being this way benefits YOU, it's actually selfish to be selfless.

The other side of this idea, is to walk around throwing mud balls into a mud pool you have created. We walk around mindlessly in auto pilot, letting anything and everything spew out of our mouths, without consideration of those around us. It's a me, me, me kind of world. As our mud balls land in the sea of mud we have created, a thick blob of mud heads out towards the edge of our universe. Guess what comes back to hit us in the face. You got it, MUD. As we find ourselves covered in mud cursing, we wonder why does this always happen to me? The answer, you're a mud slinger in a world of mud, that you have created. Try throwing some "water drops" and slowly, if you're patient, the mud will start clearing up. 

Sometimes we just cant help ourselves but if we really understand who we are hurting in the long run, it becomes much easier to be present, mindful and deliberate of our actions.

"In the Zone"

Its been a long time since I have written a blog and lately it seems every one I run into ask me why? There was a time a few years ago when I could write everyday and I felt as though I was primarily helping myself and along the way, hopefully helping others that were feeling the same way. After a while, my thoughts stopped flowing and I felt as if though what I was writing, might be taken the wrong way. I felt like people may misconstrue what I was writing and believe that somehow I felt I had all the answers or that my life was "perfect". Instead of just writing as I had done before, I started thinking too much about how my writings were being perceived and with that, it all stopped flowing.
When athletes talk about being "In the Zone", I believe its similar to how I was writing in the beginning. I was free of others thoughts and or opinions and I was just focused on the task at hand, allowing my thoughts to be transferred to paper. Once you are out of "The Zone" you become distracted by the outside noises and pressures of the game (life) and it can paralyze you. Even as I write this, I find myself thinking of how it will be perceived but in an attempt to get back to doing what was so beneficial to me, I am going to continue to write. Hopefully as I do, I will unknowingly fall back into "The Zone".